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FourRustedHorse
12-09-2009, 06:24 PM
(Hope this is the right section to post it)

The Bright End


I’ve seen through your life
A beautiful garden burning in your own sorrow
No chance to change you, no way to help you
Outside in the rain, covered in despise, and you know that the good moments are gone

Everything feels so unrealistic when we stand in this place, where the road is narrow
One path to choose, and not much left, this is close to the end.

I want to go with you and both admire the end…and see the bright light take us away
I want to go with you and both admire the end…and see the bright light take us away

Our time was spent, and the regret made me drown
All I asked for was to be with you in the end, and don’t let you go away
Time caught us and cornered without a way out, and we held our last breath
A miracle occurred when I least expected it, and now I’m saved

Everything feels so unrealistic when you are in this place, where the road is narrow
One path to choose, and not much left, this is close to the end.

I will go with you and admire the end…and see the bright light take us away
I will go with you and admire the end…and see the bright light take us away

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This is my first finished lyrics for a song (I started some others but never finished them).
Let me know if there are grammatical errors and how could I change it so that it makes sense because I don't want it to be all a mess xD (my first language is spanish)

That's all and hope to get some comments, suggestions, etc =D (I would appreciate if you give it a rating "x out of 10")

HardBoy359
12-10-2009, 03:34 PM
7 out of 10

It's a nice lyric with nice writing, but it could be better.
I really like it, but there's something missing I think... I just don't know what ^^

I write, but in my first language, Portuguese ^^ O.o we're neighbors (presuming you're Spanish)

Cya

Shangri-LIE
01-06-2010, 01:46 PM
I agree with Hardboy. It could be better. But if it means something to you the way it is, that is all that matters.