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Shangri-LIE
12-26-2009, 12:05 PM
Before I submit this for scrutiny, entertainment. I'd just like to say that this is the fist blink neo-punk song I've ever written.

I'm going to the party, everyone will be there. I'm going to the party, and everyone one will be there but me. I don't know how to be square, or any shape that you could recognize. I don't fit into the doors of your minds.

So, I'll crash into your goodtimes. Set fire to the fine lines.. between you and me. I'll wreck into happiness, cause tons of wreckage happy accidents. Crash into your goodtimes, set fire to the fine lines between you and me.

I'm left of center, but have the God given rights to make you the epicenter of my destruction.

Once you run into me, you'll never walk away. One you run into me you'll never outrun this day. Once you ran into me, and you know you'll never be the same.

PLUG313
12-27-2009, 05:15 AM
dude, that sounds awesome! it has a pop/rock kinda feel i love it
ive tried to write a song like a zillion times but it never is any good
your song is great :)

Shangri-LIE
12-27-2009, 10:00 AM
dude, that sounds awesome! it has a pop/rock kinda feel i love it
ive tried to write a song like a zillion times but it never is any good
your song is great :)

Well, thanks. I usually put a lot more effort into my writing though. I wrote that yesterday in like five minutes because I had been humming some of the lines that were popping into my head all morning. It's a catharsis for me. Sometimes I just write stuff even if it doesn't make sense. I suggest that you try that. Don't set a concept for a song. Sometimes the best songs are just simply written in one go. But my advice to you would to just set down with a notebook, some writing untinsels and just jot down a random stream of consciousness. Just whatever comes to mind. A song doesn't have to mean something all of the time.

Thanks for reading it though. More to come,

Shangri-LIE

PLUG313
12-27-2009, 03:57 PM
Well, thanks. I usually put a lot more effort into my writing though. I wrote that yesterday in like five minutes because I had been humming some of the lines that were popping into my head all morning. It's a catharsis for me. Sometimes I just write stuff even if it doesn't make sense. I suggest that you try that. Don't set a concept for a song. Sometimes the best songs are just simply written in one go. But my advice to you would to just set down with a notebook, some writing untinsels and just jot down a random stream of consciousness. Just whatever comes to mind. A song doesn't have to mean something all of the time.

Thanks for reading it though. More to come,

Shangri-LIE

i always write a few lines and erase and scratch everything :/ i never write anything good lol
those lyrics you wrote are kinda catchy... i cant get it outta my head really :S i hope someone sings it someday

Dronepool
12-27-2009, 04:25 PM
It's good stuff, ShawShangs :)

Shangri-LIE
12-29-2009, 05:56 AM
Thanks, guys. Well, I am looking for a band. So, maybe you'll get to hear my songs. I want to change some of the phrasing and arrangements of the lyrics with this song though. But, thanks for the feedback!

Shangri-LIE
12-29-2009, 12:30 PM
It fits me so well, I feel so depressed and dapper. This lake is not placcid, and I am being crushed by the jaws of life. Ball and chain between my legs. Liquored up and rotting with time, waiting for the go ahead, waiting for the signal to love you.

I'm as scared as an infant in an alien delivery room. I've never felt like this. I cannot dismiss it, I can only chase it until it disappears. The leash of my destiny is so restricting. I can only hope I choke on it running towards you. At least I'll be doing something.

All I've learned from hope is hoping. Never has it been requiting. I wear an iron mask and the key is behind your eyes, please don't make me cut it out. All I've learned from hope is hoping. Never has it been requiting. I wear an iron mask and the key is behind your eyes, please don't make me cut it out.

Hidden, hidden, hidden. Smitten, smitten smitten. I'll never work out of this wreckage.

Not Mechanical
12-29-2009, 12:57 PM
Hope you don't mind, Shangs, but I merged your two writing threads into this one. Keeps things organised if a person keeps their work to one thread.

They are both strong pieces, I liked them both and could particularly imagine Crash the Party set to music, and perhaps one day I will be able to hear it as such. As you pointed out, though, perhaps parts could be rephrased and the arrangements jigged about a bit, and I'd like to read it again should you go through with the redraft. Only within the past few months did I discover myself how beneficial sitting down and giving your work a thorough redraft can be.

Shangri-LIE
12-29-2009, 01:20 PM
Hope you don't mind, Shangs, but I merged your two writing threads into this one. Keeps things organised if a person keeps their work to one thread.

They are both strong pieces, I liked them both and could particularly imagine Crash the Party set to music, and perhaps one day I will be able to hear it as such. As you pointed out, though, perhaps parts could be rephrased and the arrangements jigged about a bit, and I'd like to read it again should you go through with the redraft. Only within the past few months did I discover myself how beneficial sitting down and giving your work a thorough redraft can be.

Thanks, I appreciate it, and that is a good idea. I have no problem with that whatsoever. Recently though I've been struggling with concept matters, and writing like I used to. What I am doing on here is seeing what sort of feedback I can get with rough drafts, and then getting the confidence to really refine the works and turn them into something that is a little more cohesive. When I write in here, well moreso as of late, I just sit down and type. The last several songs I have written on here have just been me sitting down at a keyboard and just typing stuff out within a few minutes or so.

Shangri-LIE
01-07-2010, 10:05 AM
*I wrote this just now. Tell me what you think.



"I'm as loneley as a pine. I'm as empty as an ocean sky. I've got a scream stuck in my throat, and the worms are digging through my core. The face suckers are impregnating me, and yet deflating me. My balloons have run out of hot air. I can feel the sinking.

I'm barefoot on this blue grass and the clouds are yellow, red, and now the green sun is setting on me. I smell the hot coils smothering, as I'm being eclipsed by boulders and nightmares. Because I jumped back into my dead dreams, and I'm submerged with them beyond recovery. My pillows are now just sticks and stones, and a mortuary.

I'm just letting the dirt sink in. I'm just letting the silence settle in. No matter how much I squirm I'll just be tucked in this tomb tighter. The sand is quick, and not for fighters. Even though the light is getting brighter, it's not there to guide us.
Closer to the light, further from your life. Follow it, and the darkness that surrounds it will deceive you.

I'm just letting the dirt sink in. I'm just letting the silence settle in. No matter how much I squirm I'll just be tucked in this tomb tighter. The sand is quick, and not for fighters. Even though the light is getting brighter, it's not there to guide us.
Closer to the light, further from your life. Follow it, and the darkness that surrounds it will deceive you.

Follow the light, and the darkness surrounding it will deceive you. It'll devour you too.

It'll devour you too.
It'll devour you too.
It'll devour you too."

PLUG313
01-08-2010, 03:01 PM
*I wrote this just now. Tell me what you think.



"I'm as loneley as a pine. I'm as empty as an ocean sky. I've got a scream stuck in my throat, and the worms are digging through my core. The face suckers are impregnating me, and yet deflating me. My balloons have run out of hot air. I can feel the sinking.

I'm barefoot on this blue grass and the clouds are yellow, red, and now the green sun is setting on me. I smell the hot coils smothering, as I'm being eclipsed by boulders and nightmares. Because I jumped back into my dead dreams, and I'm submerged with them beyond recovery. My pillows are now just sticks and stones, and a mortuary.

I'm just letting the dirt sink in. I'm just letting the silence settle in. No matter how much I squirm I'll just be tucked in this tomb tighter. The sand is quick, and not for fighters. Even though the light is getting brighter, it's not there to guide us.
Closer to the light, further from your life. Follow it, and the darkness that surrounds it will deceive you.

I'm just letting the dirt sink in. I'm just letting the silence settle in. No matter how much I squirm I'll just be tucked in this tomb tighter. The sand is quick, and not for fighters. Even though the light is getting brighter, it's not there to guide us.
Closer to the light, further from your life. Follow it, and the darkness that surrounds it will deceive you.

Follow the light, and the darkness surrounding it will deceive you. It'll devour you too.

It'll devour you too.
It'll devour you too.
It'll devour you too."

thats really good IMO, i love the title and all, but i didnt like that ending because it sounds like Manson a bit lol but its good anyway :)
it is not much repetitive its good in that way, it sounds like it could be one of those 6 minute songs its cool

Shangri-LIE
01-10-2010, 08:33 AM
Yeah, I thought the end would have sounded a bit Mansonish. Perhaps it was, but I wasn't using "Devour" as a reference point. Thanks for reading and replying.

Not Mechanical
01-12-2010, 09:40 AM
I don't think the end part of that is too similar to Devour at all, simply that it uses the same word, which among fans is going to remind them of the song, but I don't think anyone would notice it if they weren't a Manson fan.

I really liked the imagery of the line 'I've got a scream stuck in my throat'

Shangri-LIE
01-12-2010, 11:53 AM
I don't think the end part of that is too similar to Devour at all, simply that it uses the same word, which among fans is going to remind them of the song, but I don't think anyone would notice it if they weren't a Manson fan.

I really liked the imagery of the line 'I've got a scream stuck in my throat'

Thanks for the feeback, that is what I was thinking.

My life is pretty stained with grotesque impact impressions, so I'm glad I could illustrate that to someone.

Shangri-LIE
01-28-2010, 10:54 AM
"Burn the Bridges"

I couldn't piss to put out this fire. I can't tug this war my way. I can't seem to fathom the depths that are waiting for me. I paved this road, and I set it on fire. You tried to cross me, and shake my hand, but I just embraced you engulfed in ....

Flames. But I'm not burning anything but everything around me. I know I'll never be tried or forgiven. But I'll still smolder with guilt, and bellow my smoke into your throats. I'm sorry, that I am this way. But I can't hear the screams anymore. For my attention. For my salvation. For my change. For your sake. For mercy.

I try to swing on the wires to reach the shore. To start a new beginning. But all that is behind me, is ruins, and I'm just a statue sculpted by the ashes. Molded, and mouldering, and my second coming just looks like a rotting corpse, praying.

You tried to reach me but all you felt were...

Flames. But I'm not burning anything but everything around me. I know I'll never be tried or forgiven. But I'll still smolder with guilt, and bellow my smoke into your throats. I'm sorry, that I am this way. But I can't hear the screams anymore. For my attention. For my salvation. For my change. For your sake. For mercy.

I know I'll never be tried or forgiven. I know I'll never be held accountable. I know I'll never get this prayer to you,
because all the dead do is lay, under the bridges that we've burnt down.