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Shangri-LIE
12-30-2009, 02:30 PM
I've never had someone utterly betroth to me, so I don't know too much about it. I must admit that I have been a homewrecker in the past, as well as been wrecked by people with similar ambitions to call check mate on a relationship and erase me from the photo records.

I want to believe in it, but can it TRULY exist? Can two people be in love and stay that way "forever", or at least until the end of natrual life. I've always seen it as a flawed ideology. Something illusory, as well as an irrational expectation.

I can say that I have never cheated on anyone though. However, I have always been confused by the definition of "a relationship". Is it possible to love just one person and herald them as "the one"? I've had a severley fucked up love life, so I can't even look deep inside myself and figure out an answer for it.

Ada Veen
12-30-2009, 03:42 PM
Well, theoretically- yes.There are 6 billion people on Earth, and out of this number there will be a percentage of monogomous couples who stayed together for all their lives. Maybe out of this quantity there will be an even smaller number of couples who never cheated at all. And then divide it once more, by ten, or something, and you'll get the percentage of people who actually were happy this way. So if you ask me do I believe in monogamy, the answer would be yes, because it definitely exists, but it only works for a very small minority of people. Does it work for me? No, definitely not. Well, at least so far it never did.

Shangri-LIE
12-30-2009, 04:13 PM
Well, theoretically- yes.There are 6 billion people on Earth, and out of this number there will be a percentage of monogomous couples who stayed together for all their lives. Maybe out of this quantity there will be an even smaller number of couples who never cheated at all. And then divide it once more, by ten, or something, and you'll get the percentage of people who actually were happy this way. So if you ask me do I believe in monogamy, the answer would be yes, because it definitely exists, but it only works for a very small minority of people. Does it work for me? No, definitely not. Well, at least so far it never did.

I REALLY hate to sound like an asshole, because I'm not one. But, Ada? Did you pull those stats out of your ass or what? :p

Maybe if we were all lobsters..............

Ada Veen
12-30-2009, 04:22 PM
Where exactly did you see the *stats* in my post? I was just saying that it must be one smaller number out of another small number. And what is the number exactly I dont know. Whatever...

Shangri-LIE
12-30-2009, 04:39 PM
Well, you were talking about 6 billion or so people on thie planet grave, and then insinuating that a very small amount of couples have ever cheated. Then you asked me to "divide it by ten or something". I'm sorry it just didn't make very much sense.

False Prophet
12-30-2009, 04:54 PM
It made sense. But who cares, you're going off your own topic.

Anyways, yes I agree that people can be monogamous, but I don't feel that we all should be. I feel there is this stigma in society around being monogamous or polymorphic, and i feel that it really doesn't fucking matter what anyone is as long as the other side is consenting. It should be up to each individual, its just a matter of finding someone that thinks the same as you, or at least in a way you can tolerate.

Ada Veen
12-30-2009, 05:03 PM
I took those approximate numbers out of my own experience. Like, out of every 10 couples that I know, there would be one that is (or seems) to be happy in a monogomous relationship without any drama going on. All the rest are either cheating, or splitting up at some point, or not cheating but obviously unhappy, or it is an open relationship which may also be happy and may be not. I am not a scientist and I don't have the exact statistics, but your question was: * does monogamy trully exist*. So I was saying that imo it would be highly unlikely to suggest that out of all couples on the planet there would be none happily monogamous. Now get it?

Sputnik
12-30-2009, 06:05 PM
I think it can exist in a way. What I mean by that is that out of all the people on earth there is always someone better for you than the person you end up with, but... if you really love a person and willing to forgive said person for something he did, close your eyes to his past mistakes, given that the person decides to stick with you too, there is a chance that the two people will stay together. So I kind of agree with Ada that a tiny percentage of people dostay together and are happy about it...
Did that make sence? And this is just my opinion...

ShelfLife
12-30-2009, 11:32 PM
Marriage (which is the institution that insists upon monogamy) was created as a way of a male keeping track of his property - ie, his woman and his heirs, so he could be sure that all his worldy possessions would go onto his flesh and blood relations. For a long time, a male committing adultery, having a mistress or hiring a prostitute was no big deal, but God help a woman if she spent too much time with a male that wasn't her husband or her father.

In this day and age...well, frankly, monogamy goes against nature, but human beings do a lot of things that go against nature, so that argument instantly fails. I like to believe that monogamy is part of a person's personality - I can stay happily monogamous in a relationship. My mother can't, she says it's just not in her nature.

I think lying to a person is a hell of a lot worse on cheating with someone. If my lover fucked someone else (our relationship is non-binding, so we are both free to pursue others), I would shrug and not ask questions about it (apart from, "Did you use protection?). I don't think I'd be very hurt, partly because I know about it, and I have the option to do the same (even though I have absolutely no inclination or urge to). However, if I found out that he was taking another girl out to dinner, buying her gifts, or kissing her in the rain, I would be incredibly hurt. THEN I would feel cheated.

It's all down to the individual relationship and the individuals within that relationship. Each relationship has a contract, so to speak. I don't think that "must not fuck others" should be compulsory for all relationships, but "must always be honest" should.

21Faces
12-31-2009, 12:01 AM
I agree whatever works for to every individual. But people should be more honest with themselves and their partners about what they really want. I know a lot of people who talk a big game about being open with their relationships, but when it really comes down to it they are either just fucking around because they haven't really met anyone who would be worth a monogamous commitment or they're too jaded to think such a person actually exists, or they're only interested in the monogamy going one way- they're cheaters. I have never cheated on anyone, and after some particularly bad experiences there is no way I would ever tolerate it in a future relationship. I honestly don't understand how it is so difficult for some people to be honest with themselves and their partners about their own actions and desires. What happened to self-control? I really don't get it.

Right now I'm just fucking around until I really meet someone, and I think it's dreadfully lonely. I'm almost turned off by sex altogether at this point. Maybe it's just the rain has me in a funk.

Shangri-LIE
12-31-2009, 05:39 AM
I apologize to Ada, it does make sense in a way. I just happened to be on my 11th pint of beer when I replied initially.
Asides from that, I think it is unanimous thus far to say that monogamy is more of a personality trait, than it is within our nature. We all have the proclivity. and from what I've experienced, relationships are more "stepping stones" instead of permenant plateau's for eternal love. It is something that I hate, but it is something that I think needs to be understood.

Shelf Life - I couldn't be in an open relationship like that. It would drive me insane. But it all boils down to what you're comfortable with I suppose. :P

21Faces - As for the last part of your statement. I've thought that I'd finally met someone numerous times. But as time slowley sobers up the sustances in our brain that we call love...well, I don't feel like completing that sentence just yet.
I just woke up, and am a lackluster, flickering street lamp this morning.

ShelfLife
12-31-2009, 08:30 AM
It's not so much an "open" relationship as a "the door isn't locked" relationship. I might feel differently if he actually does start sleeping with another girl. Right now, it's just a theoretical. One thing I can appreciate with our relationship is that it's always been completely honest - thus, I am aware that he can't commit to me completely at this point in time, and I am granted the same liberties as he has, as well as having the option to walk away at any point. I guess we've both always felt comfortable enough to push the boundaries of conventional relationship standards, even before our relationship went through a drastic change. For some reason, I just don't feel threatened by the idea of him sleeping with other girls. Not at this point in time anyway.

As I said in my last post, there is a huge difference between fucking and making love. There is some truth in Manson's rules regarding cheating (ie, "handjobs and blowjobs are like handshakes, and therefore not cheating"). Physical monogomy is very different from emotional monogomy - the former is largely preferable, the second is absolutely crucial. If one member of a couple decides to see a prostitute, that's not necessarily cheating. If one member of a couple frequently visits brothels and spends more time (and money) sleeping with prostitutes than they do their lover, something is very wrong.

I don't know. It's late and I'm not thinking very clearly. But I think a lot of people take cheating and monogamy a little too seriously. An odd indiscretion here and there, I believe, should be forgiveable (so long as the other partner is allowed to do the same). A full-blown affair, where one partner is taken advantage of, where there is an imbalance of power, or if one partner feels more for their lover than they do their partner, is not forgiveable.

Shangri-LIE
12-31-2009, 09:24 AM
It's not so much an "open" relationship as a "the door isn't locked" relationship. I might feel differently if he actually does start sleeping with another girl. Right now, it's just a theoretical. One thing I can appreciate with our relationship is that it's always been completely honest - thus, I am aware that he can't commit to me completely at this point in time, and I am granted the same liberties as he has, as well as having the option to walk away at any point. I guess we've both always felt comfortable enough to push the boundaries of conventional relationship standards, even before our relationship went through a drastic change. For some reason, I just don't feel threatened by the idea of him sleeping with other girls. Not at this point in time anyway.

As I said in my last post, there is a huge difference between fucking and making love. There is some truth in Manson's rules regarding cheating (ie, "handjobs and blowjobs are like handshakes, and therefore not cheating"). Physical monogomy is very different from emotional monogomy - the former is largely preferable, the second is absolutely crucial. If one member of a couple decides to see a prostitute, that's not necessarily cheating. If one member of a couple frequently visits brothels and spends more time (and money) sleeping with prostitutes than they do their lover, something is very wrong.

I don't know. It's late and I'm not thinking very clearly. But I think a lot of people take cheating and monogamy a little too seriously. An odd indiscretion here and there, I believe, should be forgiveable (so long as the other partner is allowed to do the same). A full-blown affair, where one partner is taken advantage of, where there is an imbalance of power, or if one partner feels more for their lover than they do their partner, is not forgiveable.

I agree with the whole "physical monogamy is different than emotional monogamy". I've been a victim of both types of breeches in trust. Yes, the emotional type is the worst. Like you said previously about being more hurt if your beau would start dating, and being romantic with someone moreso as if he were to just fuck someone.

To relate to what you are currently engaged in. I tried to have an open relationship with someone once, and it tore me apart. I couldn't sleep. I'd feel dirty when she'd come back around because I knew she was fucking other guys, and going out with them. However, I didn't bother trying to go find someone else. Other than that, you seem to have things pretty entact, and I agree with all of what you've said.

CellarOwl
12-31-2009, 12:39 PM
I find that some of the people I've been with who are and have always been stonefacedly monogamous are not people you want to even be in the same room with exclusively, while on the flipside there's just too much heartbreak in fucking around unless it's something you're prepared to handle. If you're honestly and truly happy with someone, I find that it's never a question though it's not something incredibly easy to come by.

There are some exceptions to the rule of monogamy, personally:
- hooking up with someone of the same (or mixed) gender. Honestly, I don't give a toss. I don't have tits and the etc, so if I'm seeing a girl and she wants to see another girl or anything inbetween and quasi-resembling, it doesn't bother me seeing as how I'm obviously lacking in that department. I feel the same towards guys and myself, though I haven't and really doubt I would. Personally it's purely a physical thing, because all you're doing is indulging a sexual appetite that can't otherwise be filled by your partner. The same applies to more people being in the mix simultaneously. It's not something I alone can do, so anything that goes beyond that level I have no problems with and would only want to satiate (federal laws permitting).
- Kissing, flirting and making out are pretty much like handshakes to me. It doesn't bother me. If it bothers my partner--and the same applies to the previous point, than that's something I respect 100% and would do nothing to violate that level of trust.
- Prostitutes seem like a bigger offence than random hookups, because it's something you actively need to pursue to the point of having to pay for it. The only thing that says to me is that you're unsatisfied enough to physically pay someone to do the job for something utterly meaningless, as opposed to being caught in a moment of passion (or ego, if you're lonely, desperate, or a dick). You also put your lover at a much bigger risk for what you've just exposed yourself and by proxy, them. It lacks total respect for all people involved.

I've been in something resembling open relationships, and if it's truly open that's fine, but that involves a huge level of honestly and trust, or apathy. I'm at the point where both ideas on their own make me sick and I don't really want anything to do with either anymore--but I'm still a bit of a sucker and it completely depends on the person you involve yourself with.

21Faces
12-31-2009, 01:50 PM
I find that some of the people I've been with who are and have always been stonefacedly monogamous are not people you want to even be in the same room with exclusively, while on the flipside there's just too much heartbreak in fucking around unless it's something you're prepared to handle. If you're honestly and truly happy with someone, I find that it's never a question though it's not something incredibly easy to come by.

There are some exceptions to the rule of monogamy, personally:
- hooking up with someone of the same (or mixed) gender. Honestly, I don't give a toss. I don't have tits and the etc, so if I'm seeing a girl and she wants to see another girl or anything inbetween and quasi-resembling, it doesn't bother me seeing as how I'm obviously lacking in that department. I feel the same towards guys and myself, though I haven't and really doubt I would. Personally it's purely a physical thing, because all you're doing is indulging a sexual appetite that can't otherwise be filled by your partner. The same applies to more people being in the mix simultaneously. It's not something I alone can do, so anything that goes beyond that level I have no problems with and would only want to satiate (federal laws permitting).
- Kissing, flirting and making out are pretty much like handshakes to me. It doesn't bother me. If it bothers my partner--and the same applies to the previous point, than that's something I respect 100% and would do nothing to violate that level of trust.
- Prostitutes seem like a bigger offence than random hookups, because it's something you actively need to pursue to the point of having to pay for it. The only thing that says to me is that you're unsatisfied enough to physically pay someone to do the job for something utterly meaningless, as opposed to being caught in a moment of passion (or ego, if you're lonely, desperate, or a dick). You also put your lover at a much bigger risk for what you've just exposed yourself and by proxy, them. It lacks total respect for all people involved.

I've been in something resembling open relationships, and if it's truly open that's fine, but that involves a huge level of honestly and trust, or apathy. I'm at the point where both ideas on their own make me sick and I don't really want anything to do with either anymore--but I'm still a bit of a sucker and it completely depends on the person you involve yourself with.
Well put. I had forgotten about the "same sex" exception. I'd also be fine with a girl messing around with another girl... so long as she wasn't crossing that line of "emotional infidelity." Personally I'm not much of a flirt, never have been- it almost bothers me sometimes. I think I will just have to find someone else with as stubborn a sense of loyalty as I have.

Also, ShelfLife, I see where you're coming from as far as physical monogamy goes. I guess for me there's just something about the exclusivity of the act. When you're with your partner physically- no matter what it is, kissing, foreplay, oral sex, whatever... there's (at least for me) part of you that knows it's an exclusive place. That's very important to me. Just to know that there are other people actively "messing around" in that exclusive space is... a huge turnoff. I'm also of the opinion that people are a little too self-indulgent- wanting to have their cake and eat it too. I mean, what about the idea that even though something is supposedly difficult by our natures that it is still something worth striving for? "Staying loyal to one person is just so difficult. The temptation to mess around with other people is so great we might as well not even try" just doesn't cut it with me. But as we've agreed, I guess it's a personality thing. Maybe it's how I was raised? My parents were married for 17 years before they separated. And for the second half of that time they were both pretty miserable, but neither of them ever cheated- and if they had cheated, it certainly wouldn't have made them any happier. Maybe that's why I'm such a stickler for monogamy?

And Cellarowl, have you ever had sex with a prostitute? I would say that hiring a pro is less offensive than a random hookup. You (usually) have to work at a hookup whether it's keeping your feelers out on the job looking for a mutually receptive mate, or buying drinks at the bar or whatever. With a pro you just dial the number, leave the money on the dresser, etc. In my experience, people in relationships go to prostitutes because they are looking for something their partner isn't giving them and are either unable or unwilling to communicate what that is. Maybe it ties in with what ShelfLife was saying- people who have affairs are usually unhappy with their relationships anyway- there's always that bitching about the person they're with- and whole other slew of people physically cheat because they're too stupid to understand why they're actually unhappy with the people they're with. But a lot of people hire pros who are otherwise completely content with where they are romantically, they're just looking for something they can't get with the person they're with.

So if you catch your partner with a hooker you can rest assured it's ~almost~ always just going to be a physical thing, whereas with a hookup... who knows what the fuck could be going on. Like when you catch your girlfriend with her project leader from work and she's like "John makes me feel ALIVE again- not like you ever did! We're running away together!" That's an affair. But when you catch your girlfriend with a pro- and he's dressed like a fireman and she's bound and gagged with rubber hosing... it's more like remember when I made that suggesting about roleplaying last month and you shot it down? Yeah...

Shangri-LIE
12-31-2009, 02:38 PM
Thanks for not quoting me in my own thread.

False Prophet
12-31-2009, 03:15 PM
Thanks for not quoting me in my own thread.

Now you know how I feel in my thread (same section of the forum too, haha)

Shangri-LIE
01-01-2010, 10:37 AM
Now you know how I feel in my thread (same section of the forum too, haha)

Tell me about it. Haha. But, oh well. What can you do about it?

CellarOwl
01-02-2010, 07:33 AM
And Cellarowl, have you ever had sex with a prostitute? I would say that hiring a pro is less offensive than a random hookup. You (usually) have to work at a hookup whether it's keeping your feelers out on the job looking for a mutually receptive mate, or buying drinks at the bar or whatever. With a pro you just dial the number, leave the money on the dresser, etc. In my experience, people in relationships go to prostitutes because they are looking for something their partner isn't giving them and are either unable or unwilling to communicate what that is. Maybe it ties in with what ShelfLife was saying- people who have affairs are usually unhappy with their relationships anyway- there's always that bitching about the person they're with- and whole other slew of people physically cheat because they're too stupid to understand why they're actually unhappy with the people they're with. But a lot of people hire pros who are otherwise completely content with where they are romantically, they're just looking for something they can't get with the person they're with.

So if you catch your partner with a hooker you can rest assured it's ~almost~ always just going to be a physical thing, whereas with a hookup... who knows what the fuck could be going on. Like when you catch your girlfriend with her project leader from work and she's like "John makes me feel ALIVE again- not like you ever did! We're running away together!" That's an affair. But when you catch your girlfriend with a pro- and he's dressed like a fireman and she's bound and gagged with rubber hosing... it's more like remember when I made that suggesting about roleplaying last month and you shot it down? Yeah...
I've never paid a prostitute for sex; and also speaking out of personal experience, maybe hookups have a different value for me than most because I've also never had to be the aggressor or work for it in my life, whether it's been something casual with a friend or a one night stand. The last couple of times I can remember, it was the girl who'd offered to pay for drinks or for the cab so there's a different connotation there for me. Those situations aren't something I've actively had to pursue or set up, whereas messing around with a prostitute would be--so there's really no value there, whereas being with a prostitute would involve taking that step or going that extra mile. People get drunk, or emotionally fucked up, or can naturally get caught in new feelings and situations or mistakes happen sometimes out of that. It's something that's totally human and understandable. Not necessarily forgivable, but understandable. Maybe I watched too much 90210 or something as a kid.

And going to a prostitute is a physical thing, but to me it exemplifies that you're not happy with your partner sexually enough that you're willing to actually physically pay (and expose you both unknowingly to whatever as a risk) for sex. That signifies deeper seated problems in the relationship instead of addressing your desires with the person, and if they've been addressed and you're lover won't be there for you, (unless there's some kind of side agreement) they're being irresponsible and you shouldn't be with them because obviously they can't or won't fill that role. Sex is a major part of a relationship, and it's a lover's responsibility to be aware of that.

ShelfLife
01-02-2010, 09:36 PM
You also put your lover at a much bigger risk for what you've just exposed yourself and by proxy, them. It lacks total respect for all people involved.



(and expose you both unknowingly to whatever as a risk)

CellarOwl, you're speaking about prostitutes as though they're drainpipes. In this day and age, with sex, hook-ups and one-night-stands running rampant, everyone is just as likely to have an STI or some kind of infection. In all reputable brothels, at least the ones in Australia, protection is essential, or no business. Maybe you need to be careful of street whores, but most prostitutes take their clients and their own health seriously enough to get tested regularly because they know the risks. I'd be more wary of people I don't know very well, because most people seem to have a "it wouldn't happen to me" mentality.

I can see what you mean about the difference between seeking a prostitute out, and just making a bad mistake with someone else, but I'm with 21Faces's on this. Paying someone for a physical encounter is entirely different from going out on the town, flirting a bit, and taking a girl home with you. A prostitute knows there's no personal feelings involved, she's just providing a service, and she's not going to be upset when you don't call her the next day.

ImNotJesus
01-03-2010, 08:54 PM
People who say it goes against 'nature' seem to forget a number of things I think:

A: Humanity is beyond the rules of nature in many, MANY aspects of existence. Art, philosophy, music, poetry, theology and faith are all well beyond any real kind of genetic or natural drive. Some say that it's simply a push to survive, like all creatures, by searching for some sort of understanding of 'life' as a whole, but I don't believe that, I think the things I listed above are far too diverse and exceptional to simply be a 'means to and end'. The end being longest possible survival.

B: There are a number of animals that form long-term and even lifetime relationships. So even though I don't believe nature enters into human relationships beyond a sub-conscious physical attraction, the evidence is there to support a genetic pre-disposition to 'monogamy'.


My general experience is as such: People will brag and go on about 'new-age' concepts like 'open relationships' and how they support the concept, and even take part in it. However, in the end jealousy and such emotions will always be the winning factors. I can't think of a single example where people have lived for more than a couple of months in a healthy, polygamous relationship. I'm pretty sure others could find and quote examples to me though, because there is always an exception to every rule.

I was once in love. I have no problems with saying that, I loved her, for a time I would have sacrificed every part of my life just to make her happy, if that's what it came down to. We fell out of love like so many couples do, and now we rarely talk without tearing each other to shreds...but that brief moment in time was enough proof for me. Proof enough that love exists, and as such, I believe 'true love' can only be shared between two people AND, with some real luck, they can be happy together for the entirety of their lives.

CellarOwl
01-08-2010, 01:08 PM
CellarOwl, you're speaking about prostitutes as though they're drainpipes. In this day and age, with sex, hook-ups and one-night-stands running rampant, everyone is just as likely to have an STI or some kind of infection. In all reputable brothels, at least the ones in Australia, protection is essential, or no business. Maybe you need to be careful of street whores, but most prostitutes take their clients and their own health seriously enough to get tested regularly because they know the risks. I'd be more wary of people I don't know very well, because most people seem to have a "it wouldn't happen to me" mentality.

I can see what you mean about the difference between seeking a prostitute out, and just making a bad mistake with someone else, but I'm with 21Faces's on this. Paying someone for a physical encounter is entirely different from going out on the town, flirting a bit, and taking a girl home with you. A prostitute knows there's no personal feelings involved, she's just providing a service, and she's not going to be upset when you don't call her the next day.
That conjures a disgusting and fucking funny image, though I didn't intend for either or mean to approach it like that. I'm talking only from my personal experience, the people whom I interact with on a weekly basis as acquaintances so sorry if there was some broad generalization made. The views I expressed were a bit isolated, but within those parameters that's how I feel.

MArshall
01-11-2010, 07:33 AM
.

I want to believe in it, but can it TRULY exist? Can two people be in love and stay that way "forever", or at least until the end of natrual life.

Is it possible to love just one person and herald them as "the one"? .

Yes. til someone better comes along.




As I said in my last post, there is a huge difference between fucking and making love.

*shudders!! the term 'make love' makes me sick to my very core!! lol say it out loud with me, go on, 'make love' ewwwwww ;)
its sex. fucking. plain and simple!




There are some exceptions to the rule of monogamy, personally:
- hooking up with someone of the same (or mixed) gender. Honestly, I don't give a toss. I don't have tits and the etc, so if I'm seeing a girl and she wants to see another girl or anything inbetween and quasi-resembling, it doesn't bother me seeing as how I'm obviously lacking in that department. I feel the same towards guys and myself, though I haven't and really doubt I would. Personally it's purely a physical thing, because all you're doing is indulging a sexual appetite that can't otherwise be filled by your partner. The same applies to more people being in the mix simultaneously. It's not something I alone can do, so anything that goes beyond that level I have no problems with and would only want to satiate (federal laws permitting).


LOL. and true.



My general experience is as such: People will brag and go on about 'new-age' concepts like 'open relationships' and how they support the concept, and even take part in it. However, in the end jealousy and such emotions will always be the winning factors.

BINGO. i love jealousy. it has to be one of the more entertaining emotions!

(and im really not a heartless bitch! honest im not i just find this topic and the ways people interact and function amazing and im totally jealous i just found this thread now!)

AND I FAIL at my fist multiQuote Reply. what a surprise!!!

ThreeEyedGod
01-11-2010, 10:12 PM
As whether monogamy is natural or not depends on whether you are of the religious persuasion.

It all comes back to morality.

The Empirical Guy
01-13-2010, 05:44 AM
*shudders!! the term 'make love' makes me sick to my very core!! lol say it out loud with me, go on, 'make love' ewwwwww ;)
its sex. fucking. plain and simple!


Now that's not really true, I think. There is a difference between some nice, gentle, making love to someone, and just fucking the hell out of someone without much thought beyond your own enjoyment. Been there, done both, both great fun. Depends on the mood. Right now I could go for a solid, aggressive fucking.

MArshall
01-14-2010, 12:45 AM
Now that's not really true, I think. There is a difference between some nice, gentle, making love to someone, and just fucking the hell out of someone without much thought beyond your own enjoyment. Been there, done both, both great fun. Depends on the mood. Right now I could go for a solid, aggressive fucking.

lol, well maybe to you nice, romantic caring and sharing types!! i dont have a romantic bone in my body. i dont cope with intimacy on that sort of level. so yeah ill just keep on going happily in my own little bubble world of fucking is fucking and nothing more!!

Dronepool
01-14-2010, 12:48 AM
I'm sure it can work. I hope so, at least. I'd feel less bleak.

Dysmorphia
01-14-2010, 01:39 AM
^ Aww MArshal, you must have some romanticism somewhere...

I certainly believe monogamy can work. I could not cope with a polygamous relationship- I am all for honesty in a relationship, but that would make me feel dirty(not in a good way) and I would not have the same connection with my partner. Plus, I am greedy and want them all to myself.

I agree with the difference between making love and fucking. In the mood for some fucking.

Shangri-LIE
01-14-2010, 03:35 AM
I've been reading your replies, and doing some experimentation myself. Even though I am not in a relationship, I have been conducting social experiments, mostly in my own mind. I'll see a girl, pretend I am in love with her, then I'll look around and ask myself "could I be with her and not want to fuck these other girls walking around". The results are dissapointing, so I say fuck it, let's all just become swingers.

Dronepool
01-14-2010, 11:19 AM
^ Aww MArshal, you must have some romanticism somewhere...

I certainly believe monogamy can work. I could not cope with a polygamous relationship- I am all for honesty in a relationship, but that would make me feel dirty(not in a good way) and I would not have the same connection with my partner. Plus, I am greedy and want them all to myself.



Yeah, I pretty much agree with that. Give me mono or give me death.... wait that doesn't right. :-P

The Hand
09-18-2010, 06:16 PM
It's down to preference... monogamy has worked well for me these past 6 years, but obviously it's not the case for everyone, and if I was with someone else 1 of us may well end up playing around.

But then a lot of relationships fail because they start on the wrong terms and/or for the wrong reasons. I think it comes down to a biological thing - do any bio students know if humans are at all inclined to mate for life?

ShelfLife
09-18-2010, 06:37 PM
I'm not a bio student, but I'm well-read, and I've learned that no, humans are not inclined to be monogamous. Marriage was an institution put in place for a man to keep track of his property (ie, wife and children), period. But I agree with what you say about an individual's preference.

I've read an article recently (if I find the links, I'll post them) that talked about monogamy. It talked about sacrifices and gain - yes, you're sacrificing your freedom to sleep with other people, but aren't you also gaining the security of someone to come home to every night, someone who will care for you and love you? Same with kids - you're sacficing a lot of time and freedom in having them, but also gaining all those little joys that only children can bring. It's all about weighing up the pros + cons, making a decision, and sticking with it.

Dronepool
09-18-2010, 08:30 PM
I don't like dating and meeting new people and getting to know people over and over again, I find that such a nuisance. I wish I just had one awesome 'partner', but unfortunately that's something rare.

:-\

delirium
09-19-2010, 02:31 PM
I have utterly no faith in my peers, so the idea of monogamy to me is a hilariously naive one. It's my sincere opinion that as we grow further away from organizations that have held us back in the past, human nature will reveal itself more and more. It's our will alone that stops us from taking easy ways out of our problems. For example, murdering someone out of revenge for a perceived sleight against you, cheating on people you take vows to stay faithful to, and so on.

The Hand
09-19-2010, 03:02 PM
A small group of people haven't impressed you, so you write off the whole of humanity... and you think people who think otherwise are naive? A bit ironic.. You know "Naive" means not seeing the bigger picture, making judgements based on very little information etc...

Shelflife - pretty much agree with you, and Klimt rules

delirium
09-19-2010, 09:22 PM
A small group of people haven't impressed you, so you write off the whole of humanity... and you think people who think otherwise are naive? A bit ironic.. You know "Naive" means not seeing the bigger picture, making judgements based on very little information etc...

Shelflife - pretty much agree with you, and Klimt rules

Impressed me? One of the more popular subjects in television is when characters get divorced or cheat on their spouses. Tell me that isn't so, tell me I'm just writing off the whole of humanity. Don't deny yourself, not everyone can be faithful to those they pledge their lives to.

The Hand
09-20-2010, 04:26 AM
"Impressed you" as in your peers don't inspire you to place any faith in monogamy, impress means to make a positive impression & subsequently be elevated in estimation, which they haven't managed

I'm not having a pop at you... but what you just said translates to "but I see it all the time on television". I know a lot of relationships don't work out, but television is television, if it's not fiction, it's still just representation, and in any case programming about peaceful relationships isn't going to pull the viewers

slappyDUMMY
09-25-2010, 04:28 AM
I've never had someone utterly betroth to me, so I don't know too much about it. I must admit that I have been a homewrecker in the past, as well as been wrecked by people with similar ambitions to call check mate on a relationship and erase me from the photo records.

I want to believe in it, but can it TRULY exist? Can two people be in love and stay that way "forever", or at least until the end of natrual life. I've always seen it as a flawed ideology. Something illusory, as well as an irrational expectation.

I can say that I have never cheated on anyone though. However, I have always been confused by the definition of "a relationship". Is it possible to love just one person and herald them as "the one"? I've had a severley fucked up love life, so I can't even look deep inside myself and figure out an answer for it.

You could write for Dashboard Confessional.

delirium
10-04-2010, 02:37 AM
"Impressed you" as in your peers don't inspire you to place any faith in monogamy, impress means to make a positive impression & subsequently be elevated in estimation, which they haven't managed

I'm not having a pop at you... but what you just said translates to "but I see it all the time on television". I know a lot of relationships don't work out, but television is television, if it's not fiction, it's still just representation, and in any case programming about peaceful relationships isn't going to pull the viewers

Monogamy is reinforced by the Abrahamic religions. How long have has our society been indoctrinated by Christianity's many branches? The accepted structure of a family in our society is the mother caretaker, father provider, and children. You at times see variations on it depending on circumstance, but I think if the guilt reinforced by our adherence to these religions was not present, we would be a little more lax. Husbands and wives have been cheating on each other since the dawn of Man, and when the old toy becomes boring, is it not human nature to seek a better, newer one? This can go for wives or husbands, it's just a matter of fact.

I accept monogamy as the basic structure of a family, and I would personally adhere to it, but the concept of getting married is a ridiculous one. Our love recognized and bond by the love my partner and I feel for God? Where's God? There is no god. God is dead, or god is in all of us, or what have you. This is just all so very fucking stupid.

Doppelgänger
10-04-2010, 05:22 AM
sure it exists, I have a real nice nightstand made outta monogamy.

http://www.timswineblog.com/images/barrel-story_050.jpg

Cringeon
10-04-2010, 06:27 AM
As a happily married man, I don't think you have to adhear to any religion to find purpose in making the commitment to your partner. While the purpose or traditions of marriage have changed year after year, I still think the general practice of committing yourself in a somewhat ritualistic way has a deep connection between people. Regardless of religious affilliation, there is something powerful about two people making the commitment to each other - and having their family and loved ones there to share in a celebration. My wife and I had a very pagan ceremony, as we were coming into our Wiccan lifestyle so it was cool for us to have a marriage that was completely removed from any sort of christian language but it still be something our families could relate to.

That said - I don't think monogamy is a rule. As I'm a believer that love between two people is never the same between the love between two other; I think it's completely possible to be polyamorus. My wife and and I have this with her girlfriend, and while she is bi and their relationship has become intimate - it's purpose has nothing to do with a problem on our side or something that is lacking. For her, the romantic relationship between two women is something on a different level altogether and honestly for me to see her life more complete to have the element and the joy it brings her - makes me happy. Of course it has it's own benefits when I'm included, but I comletely respect their relationship as a legit one and know that it's still an intimate and respected union. I am her life partner, her husband and what we share she could never find with her girlfriend, but I am not at all bothered our insecure with the fact that even people in a marriage can find lovers or passion with friends.

Shangri-LIE
10-25-2010, 05:01 PM
As a happily married man, I don't think you have to adhear to any religion to find purpose in making the commitment to your partner. While the purpose or traditions of marriage have changed year after year, I still think the general practice of committing yourself in a somewhat ritualistic way has a deep connection between people. Regardless of religious affilliation, there is something powerful about two people making the commitment to each other - and having their family and loved ones there to share in a celebration. My wife and I had a very pagan ceremony, as we were coming into our Wiccan lifestyle so it was cool for us to have a marriage that was completely removed from any sort of christian language but it still be something our families could relate to.

That said - I don't think monogamy is a rule. As I'm a believer that love between two people is never the same between the love between two other; I think it's completely possible to be polyamorus. My wife and and I have this with her girlfriend, and while she is bi and their relationship has become intimate - it's purpose has nothing to do with a problem on our side or something that is lacking. For her, the romantic relationship between two women is something on a different level altogether and honestly for me to see her life more complete to have the element and the joy it brings her - makes me happy. Of course it has it's own benefits when I'm included, but I comletely respect their relationship as a legit one and know that it's still an intimate and respected union. I am her life partner, her husband and what we share she could never find with her girlfriend, but I am not at all bothered our insecure with the fact that even people in a marriage can find lovers or passion with friends.

I am in alignment with this sort of openess within a relationship. I believe that there can be a sacred covenantbetween two people, teemed with a mutual, conformable rite to explore polyamoury. As for you, not only are you one fuckin lucky gentlemen, but you and your wife seem to have more of a chance at marital permenance than those who choose their cellmate, and stitch themselves together only to years later rip eachother apart like a book with weakend paper because they expected perpetual bliss according to a guide for life book with outdated bindings.

Trust is the one key virtue that cannot be obscured by an expectation of faithfulness founded in words. If you can love someone, and love other people, yet still maintain a continual flame of appreciation, and love towards eachother, then there is no more true display of that trust than being able to acknowledge that love cannot be contained, and at the same time remain betroth to one another. Even if it seems unorthodox. When love is imprisoned, or limited, it either decays, or breaks loose violently and people end up killing eachother.

The reason that so many marriages fail, is because people don't understand love, they just know that it feels good. But it is more than a good feeling. It's not only just a chemical in the brain, but it is also something that has never really been examined objectively because to do so would ruin every dream of not dying alone that anyone has ever had.

I wish you and your wife a long and happy marriage. Embrace each moment.

keyboards
11-01-2010, 07:20 AM
I believe that monogamy can actually exist. There's that love that transcends the physical, that love that engages the mind and soul, when you are immensely calm and your loved one soothes your heart that the pursuit of sex with other women is rendered meaningless. A love that forms a bond where solitude does not exist at any single moment because your loved one accompanies you in thought - and when you're in dire need of her warmth, thinking of her immediately suffices. Each day is a new day which brings forth dreams to fulfill and love to entwine with that dearest woman. One can still appreciate the good looks of other people, but that's merely like one appreciating a good song or poster. You continue walking onward, knowing through all your senses that the one who is holding on to your shoulder is the only other human being worth loving, fighting, crying, and growing for.

slappyDUMMY
11-27-2010, 09:05 PM
As a happily married man, I don't think you have to adhear to any religion to find purpose in making the commitment to your partner. While the purpose or traditions of marriage have changed year after year, I still think the general practice of committing yourself in a somewhat ritualistic way has a deep connection between people. Regardless of religious affilliation, there is something powerful about two people making the commitment to each other - and having their family and loved ones there to share in a celebration. My wife and I had a very pagan ceremony, as we were coming into our Wiccan lifestyle so it was cool for us to have a marriage that was completely removed from any sort of christian language but it still be something our families could relate to.

That said - I don't think monogamy is a rule. As I'm a believer that love between two people is never the same between the love between two other; I think it's completely possible to be polyamorus. My wife and and I have this with her girlfriend, and while she is bi and their relationship has become intimate - it's purpose has nothing to do with a problem on our side or something that is lacking. For her, the romantic relationship between two women is something on a different level altogether and honestly for me to see her life more complete to have the element and the joy it brings her - makes me happy. Of course it has it's own benefits when I'm included, but I comletely respect their relationship as a legit one and know that it's still an intimate and respected union. I am her life partner, her husband and what we share she could never find with her girlfriend, but I am not at all bothered our insecure with the fact that even people in a marriage can find lovers or passion with friends.

Well put, couldn't have said it better.

Shangri-LIE
11-27-2010, 09:55 PM
We love tricking ourselves. Thank God for our BRAINS and the many CHEMICAL reactions that they have. Worship their FLASHINGS! Tits.

Fav
01-21-2011, 10:15 PM
I don't think that monogamy or polygamy are enforced upon us by society, but rather our natural fleshy bodies will not be satisfied with one person for the rest of our lives. Yeah, sure, we can "survive" and live in a monogamous ball and chain until we die of old age, but that isn't going to necessarily make us happy.

We're animals.

We need to spread our seed around and impregnate the young things across the world. *dirt off my shoulder*

Monday
http://i569.photobucket.com/albums/ss133/LDean4u/LionsFucking.jpg

Tuesday
http://www.comingtoafricaadventures.com/art/lions-fucking.jpg

Wednesday
http://silverjacket.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/05/20/lions.jpg

Thursday
http://www.cuntspoker.com/cuntspokerimages/lions-having-sex-fucking-mating-doggy-style-image-rear-entry.jpg

Friday
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6WuKnlSSvBs/SnDcuKZ2VVI/AAAAAAAAAVc/p1t_UsGDncs/s200/Lions_mating.gif

Rest for the weekend, and start all over again on Monday like a champ.

rrodmila
01-23-2011, 05:52 PM
I like this thread.
Cringeon, your romantic situation is awesome.

I've been in a monogamous relationship like for realz for um.. 4 years now? And if you count the split-ups and whatnot, 7. In this period of time I've been fortunate enough to represent a potential love interest for several people, but I wasn't able to return the favor. Not that I am not very happy with my current relationship status, it's just that I don't really like being a source of distress. In my perfect little world it would be socially acceptable, even encouraged, to have as many simultaneous romantic liaisons as one would want. That would mean a lot of selflessness and lack of jealousy - which is pretty much impossible at a general level. It would be truly wonderful if there would be this continuous-mental-orgy-type-thing (I'm being serious), but that can't be :).

I'm open to anything, really, as long as no one gets hurt. I do think people have only to benefit from healthy relationships and who has the authority to define what's a healthy relationship for someone else? I am more than happy with my significant other, but I am certain that if I would ever happen to fall in love with someone else (at the same time), I would at least try to have that kind of very complicated relationship status :) (as long as my loved ones agreed).

People need to love, man. As long as everybody understands what they're getting themselves into, the more the merrier!

Dronepool
01-23-2011, 07:56 PM
I believe that monogamy can actually exist. There's that love that transcends the physical, that love that engages the mind and soul, when you are immensely calm and your loved one soothes your heart that the pursuit of sex with other women is rendered meaningless. A love that forms a bond where solitude does not exist at any single moment because your loved one accompanies you in thought - and when you're in dire need of her warmth, thinking of her immediately suffices. Each day is a new day which brings forth dreams to fulfill and love to entwine with that dearest woman. One can still appreciate the good looks of other people, but that's merely like one appreciating a good song or poster. You continue walking onward, knowing through all your senses that the one who is holding on to your shoulder is the only other human being worth loving, fighting, crying, and growing for.


Agreed. This is what I adhere by.

keyboards
01-25-2011, 09:56 PM
^ I'm glad Drone, thanks.

ShelfLife
01-26-2011, 01:15 AM
In my perfect little world it would be socially acceptable, even encouraged, to have as many simultaneous romantic liaisons as one would want. That would mean a lot of selflessness and lack of jealousy - which is pretty much impossible at a general level. It would be truly wonderful if there would be this continuous-mental-orgy-type-thing (I'm being serious), but that can't be :).


It does exist. It's called polyamory, and it's the world I've unexpectedly found myself in.

I got involved with a very lovely boy a few months ago - when we'd met previously, he explained that he lives a polyamorous lifestyle (many loves, many lovers, and absolute openness), thus I knew what I was getting into. I thought we were just going to meet up a few times as mutually-respecting fuck-buddies, however we unexpectedly found a connection, and instead I've found myself spending a lot of time with him and his social circle (most of whom are also polyamorous).

I still consider myself to be monogamous by nature, but I'm finding my mind being broadened by spending so much time with people who view relationships in such a different context to what I'm used to. It's interesting to hear them describe monogamous relationships as so devoid of honestly and openness, which I've never found to be the case (though, I've only had the one previous relationship as reference). I'm still trying to get my head around some aspects of the whole scene, especially because I'm developing stronger feelings for the boy than I expected to, and he has a primary lover who has just come into town for a week to spend some time with him. But he keeps reminding me that it's possible to be in love with more than one person at a time, and I suppose I'm waiting to see how that all works out.

I don't feel jealous when he spends time with other girls, and I think the reason for that is because when he's with me, he focuses all his attention on me. His other lovers are not secrets, I can always count on him to be honest (and safe for that matter), and he is always happy to see me. I realise that in hindsight, my previous relationship felt much worse, because I often felt left out of relationships between my boyfriend and his best friend, or himself and the people he knew at uni - he kept these things from me, and I felt frustrated because I felt like he had a secret life I wasn't privvy to. Instead, my current boy involves me in everything, invites me out to spend time with him, introduces me to his friends, and treats me with absolute respect.

Whilst being surrounded by so many interesting (and sexy) people is very exciting and fulfilling at the moment (as are all the adventures I've been getting into), I know in my heart that this is just a phase in my life that I will eventually move on from. I am monogamous in my nature, and I hope to eventually find someone whom will be my one-and-only, and I will be theirs'. I believe completely in what keyboards says about a monogamous love that transcends the physical, and whilst my dabbling in polyamory has really broadened my horizons about the relationships between people and the nature of love and trust, I just want someone I can come home to, who looks forward to my coming home, and all that old-fashionedness.

Mary
02-14-2011, 08:14 AM
My views on monogamy are constantly changing, even as I write this I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about the topic. I used to be a strong believer in monogamy, and that it was very possible and common for two people to be in a sexually committed relationship without having a will to seek others, but after reading through this thread and also witnessing many situations myself, I'm just not too sure anymore.

I'm a monogamist by heart, but nowadays I almost feel like monogamy is this rare disease that's infected me and blinds me from the rest of the world, so although I like the idea of monogamy, I feel like I'm unable to form proper opinions about it because of my personal feelings. I don't ever feel an attraction to anyone else other than my partner when in a relationship, I may appreciate someone's beauty and personality but the attraction is just never there, even if they are trying to seduce.

I've had a couple of regrettable sexual encounters with someone I wasn't in a relationship with, and although he was someone I felt close to, for me there was no 'romance' involved, neither was there any attraction felt from my behalf despite him being good looking guy. Although the physical aspect of the sex was just as good, if not better than previous times, I was not able to reach my 'sexual heights' because I felt like something was missing, a loss of intimacy, love and connection.
To me sex is just as an emotional act as it is physical, and it is also something very special to me which I put a lot of value on and enjoy. I'd only be able to properly express my sexuality with the person I'm inlove with, but I also understand that not everyone shares the same definition of love, so I guess it's just a matter of finding that person, or people who have the same views on intimacy as you do and who you can be happy with.

petticoat
04-02-2012, 01:52 PM
It depends on the people involved. I, for one, find monogamy both natural and unnatural, so I do like the dolphins.

Nuclear Baby
04-03-2012, 05:53 PM
I'm not a cheat at all. I also don't like the idea of being in an open relationship. I basically like faitfulness when it comes to somebody I'm in a relationship with or dating.

However, being cheated with doesn't phase me. Kinda selfish, I guess, but I don't see that as my problem.

iggy
04-03-2012, 06:41 PM
Monogamy is for people not sexy enough to be slutty.

S.D.
04-03-2012, 06:51 PM
Monogamy is for people not stupid enough to be slutty.

iggy
04-03-2012, 07:34 PM
Monogamy is for fatties.

TheTeletubbieFlasher
04-13-2012, 04:21 PM
And human beings? Our species benefits greatly from bi-parental care. We can profit from shared, reciprocated effort, especially when we're confident both partners will be around for the long term. In addition, human beings are endowed with an array of hard-wired traits that can be used to strengthen monogamy, among them a penchant (perhaps even a need) to attach and connect so-called mirror neurons that underlie empathy; hormonal systems, such as those involving oxytocin and vasopressin, that relate sexual satisfaction to pair-bonding; and neural plasticity that promotes the strengthening of brain circuits associated with repeated reward mechanisms -- including, in all likelihood, those activated via interactions with the same individual.
Add to this the fact that people have big brains, and hence, an ability to rescue monogamy from monotony, as well as the capacity to imagine the future and a visceral dislike of dishonesty, and the effect of biology on monogamy becomes complex indeed. Not to mention the adaptive significance of that thing called love.

To be sure, monogamy isn't easy; nor is it for everyone. But anyone who claims that he or she simply isn't cut out for monogamy misses the point: No one is. At the same time, no one's biology precludes monogamy either.

As Jean-Paul Sartre famously advised (albeit in a different context): "You are free; choose."

David P. Barash, an evolutionary biologist, is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington. His most recent book -- coauthored with Judith Eve Lipton -- is "Strange Bedfellows: The Surprising Connection Between Sex, Evolution and Monogamy." LINK (http://articles.latimes.com/2009/nov/22/opinion/la-oe-barash22-2009nov22)

AssetReign
04-13-2012, 04:27 PM
And human beings? Our species benefits greatly from bi-parental care. We can profit from shared, reciprocated effort, especially when we're confident both partners will be around for the long term. In addition, human beings are endowed with an array of hard-wired traits that can be used to strengthen monogamy, among them a penchant (perhaps even a need) to attach and connect so-called mirror neurons that underlie empathy; hormonal systems, such as those involving oxytocin and vasopressin, that relate sexual satisfaction to pair-bonding; and neural plasticity that promotes the strengthening of brain circuits associated with repeated reward mechanisms -- including, in all likelihood, those activated via interactions with the same individual.
Add to this the fact that people have big brains, and hence, an ability to rescue monogamy from monotony, as well as the capacity to imagine the future and a visceral dislike of dishonesty, and the effect of biology on monogamy becomes complex indeed. Not to mention the adaptive significance of that thing called love.

To be sure, monogamy isn't easy; nor is it for everyone. But anyone who claims that he or she simply isn't cut out for monogamy misses the point: No one is. At the same time, no one's biology precludes monogamy either.

As Jean-Paul Sartre famously advised (albeit in a different context): "You are free; choose."


Brilliantly articulated.

Fav
04-16-2012, 05:56 PM
It depends on the individual and what kind of sex they prefer. Some people prefer quantity over quality. Personally, it depends on whom I'm with at the moment. With some girls I don't mind if they sleep with other people, and with others, I do.

And by the way, if monogamy isn't "easy", then it is most often a signification that monogamy isn't for you. If you don't sleep with other people to instead sleep with one specific person, then it better be worth it otherwise you are pretty much wasting your time. I'm currently in a monogamous relationship because us sleeping exclusively with each other is more rewarding for us than with having sex with others.

So pretty much what I'm trying to say is that Christians are fucking gay as fuck.

TheTeletubbieFlasher
04-16-2012, 06:47 PM
And by the way, if monogamy isn't "easy", then it is most often a signification that monogamy isn't for you.

I think that "monogamy not being easy" can have two meanings.
1. What you said.
2. Relationships have ups and downs.

Sans Agendum
04-17-2012, 09:17 AM
I've always enjoyed passionate long term relationships. I haven't once pursued a one night stand or a easy lay. I have had 3 relationships that lasted over 2 years each, the longest lasting 5 years and I will say I am still good friends with each of these girls and I look forward to the next one. I've also had a few that ended quickly when the other person just didn't seem serious about things.

I think relationships with a quick lay as the goal seem to complicate life more than anything else. The part of love that seems to confuse a lot of people is that after the initial emotions wear off, they think there is no love left. Or that there is some form of love that doesn't involve an amount of sacrifice in order to please your partner. A real loving relationship will always involve an amount of sacrifice though.

One purpose of monogamy is for two people to know each other well. They should be there to support each other and live through the normal ups and downs without giving up on one another for the sake of more than selfish ambition. Also for the sake of raising children who can have faith in the stability of their surroundings with good self esteem and sense of worth. If you love someone you stick by them and work through their issues until they come around and help them grow.

Hence, the vow is 'till death do us part' and not 'till you make me mad or become unattractive.'

SpaceGhost
04-17-2012, 01:32 PM
^ Why is this common sense so hard for some people to understand.

Lydia
10-14-2012, 07:01 PM
Guys will make up whatever bullshit their girlfriend will go along with to enable themselves to have multiple sexual partners during a committed relationship.

petticoat
10-14-2012, 07:26 PM
Has nothing to do with commitment.

Lydia
10-14-2012, 07:48 PM
Has nothing to do with commitment.
Guys don't have to make up bullshit in a casual relationship. They can just do whatever they want with other partners.

1984
10-15-2012, 04:42 AM
That's utter crap. Guys will make up whatever bullshit their girlfriend will go along with to enable themselves to have multiple sexual partners during a committed relationship.

What a presumptuous and ignorant thing to say yet a very amusing and insightful look into what are obviously your own personal encounters with men.

Move out from under the bridge and drop the club and you might find things easier.

Cat
10-15-2012, 05:46 AM
We can only be monogamous if we find the right partner.

It's pure logic!

Lydia
10-15-2012, 08:45 PM
What a presumptuous and ignorant thing to say yet a very amusing and insightful look into what are obviously your own personal encounters with men.

Move out from under the bridge and drop the club and you might find things easier.
I'm not saying that all guys are into that, as there are many guys who like to be in an exclusive relationship and who consider otherwise to be cheating. But there are absolutely ones that are into multiple partners who will get their girlfriends to go along with crap "philosophies" rather than cheating behind their back. Lots of touring musicians have multiple partners and consider it part of the lifestyle. I've never been in one of those open relationships, but I have been in one where the guy told everyone I was his girlfriend except for me, so technically we did not have to be monogamous but he could get to tell people I was his girlfriend. It was actually one of my favorite relationships because it didn't have that pressure. At any rate, he and I are still friends to this day.

petticoat
10-15-2012, 08:51 PM
Some consider monogamy to be a "crap philosophy." What it comes down to is ONLY the people in the relationship, whether it be 2 or 5, need concern themselves with deciding what is best for them. It's no one else's fucking business. I was in a poly relationship for several years. It was actually quite awesome as when one couldn't keep up with my energy level, the other could take over. I'm sick of this Judeo-Christian crap ruining fucking god damn everything.

filthytothecore
10-15-2012, 09:48 PM
I personally will stay with someone for as long as they want me and don't really get bored myself or find really any sexual attraction to other women/men, I guess it's just a basis to how mature the person is.

Sixteen Saltines
10-18-2012, 09:08 PM
holy necropost.

thread's from 09. haha.

it's possible, if both parties are equally committed. personally, i think it's amazing when i hear about old couples who have been together 50+ years. i mean, you got to really love someone to be with them for that long. dontcha think? there was a couple here that had been married for almost 70 years, and died within an hour of one another... holding hands. :o

Cat
10-24-2012, 01:52 AM
it's possible, if both parties are equally committed. personally, i think it's amazing when i hear about old couples who have been together 50+ years. i mean, you got to really love someone to be with them for that long. dontcha think? there was a couple here that had been married for almost 70 years, and died within an hour of one another... holding hands. :o

I agree.

- Love can be so beautiful, just look at this picture.


http://asset1.cbsistatic.com/cnwk.1d/i/ne/p/2007/eternal_embrace_513x600.jpg

The Hand
10-26-2012, 07:20 AM
Monogamy can definitely work, but it's not for everyone, and also some people can definitely have loving but open relationships. People love to totalise and say one way is bullshit or one way is the only true way, but really they're saying more about themselves than the world. Human relationships are very complex and what you gravitate towards is as much a product of nurture as it is nature

AssetReign
10-26-2012, 10:06 AM
Humans are more like chimps than swans. That's why we're always so touched by couples who mate for life. Of course, we never take into account whether or not those lifelong married couples cheated on one another.

ThreeEyedGod
10-26-2012, 10:52 AM
I'm only going to be with someone until I find a hotter girl to stick my penis into! doi doi, fuck monogamy, heh heh, fuck Christianity, hurr.

AssetReign
10-26-2012, 10:58 AM
^ I hear Teena's available.

The Hand
10-26-2012, 01:58 PM
Humans are more like chimps than swans. That's why we're always so touched by couples who mate for life. Of course, we never take into account whether or not those lifelong married couples cheated on one another.

Chimps are our closest relatives, but we aren't chimps and our social nature is much more complex. People do seem to overlook the fact that our behaviour is overall more different to that of chimps than similar, especially when it comes to sexuality, child rearing etc (at a basic level this is where the first major differences occur). I'm inclined to believe we are touched by couples who mate for life because something within us is compelled towards the safety & security of such a status quo. I think you're right in that it is aspirational, but it stems from within, we carry an altruistic gene which aids community building and encourages you to support a family unit

AssetReign
10-26-2012, 02:05 PM
^ I didn't say we are chimps. I said we're more like chimps than swans.

The Hand
10-27-2012, 02:02 AM
I didn't say or think you were suggesting we are chimps (wtf? Ffs.), I was suggesting that people overestimate the significance of our similarity to chimps, read the post again...

Because we are more closely relate to chimps, you assume there will be analogues in how we build relationships (which is fair enough) but the reality is we are probably a bit more like swans when it comes to that specific issue

The reason is the carrying/proliferation of an altruistic gene

AssetReign
10-27-2012, 02:11 AM
^ I gave my opinion. That's all. You decided to tell me it was wrong. Fine.

The Hand
10-27-2012, 03:02 AM
Why are you displeased - Isn't this a discussion? I thought you would be interested to know the facts

loftvoker
10-27-2012, 09:55 PM
The facts are this - you're so ass backwards, like a mosquito on a nude beach, where do I even start?!

AssetReign
10-27-2012, 09:58 PM
^ Considering the post you're quoting is 3 years old, I doubt ShelfLife gives a shit where you start.

loftvoker
10-27-2012, 10:04 PM
^ Considering the post you're quoting is 3 years old, I doubt ShelfLife gives a shit where you start.

It showed up on my New Posts click. Way to go, forum?!

Celebrity Killing Spree
11-06-2012, 02:33 PM
Neither monogamy nor philandry make life any less complicated.

Personally I'm a grown up married man and it took me this long in life to figure out that I'm not ready for sex. Of course my wife and I have a normal love life, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm just saying if I was who I am now, only single, I wouldn't be looking to bed anybody. There are too many crazy people out there and too many of them have it too easy to hurt you.