A ghost is sucking my **** in my sleep.

[Dv5]

It is just another bizzare chronicle in my life. I have been feeling as though I am being fellated while asleep, only to wake up to what I call "supernatrual nocturnal emission" stains in my pants. I'll wake up feeling like I had just been sucked off, hear scampering towards the window, and even sometimes see a shadow figure jumping through a wall. It is a pleasant way to make up, but it is also sort of mortifying. I am being raped by something from beyond. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do. I can't call the police because you can't arrest a ghost. I can't call a priest because I've never asked a priest for his number. I can't call a friend because they never answer their phones, and most of them are imaginary. Could this be a psycho-sematic manifestation of sexual frustration? Or is it as I fear? I am being fucked by a horny lost spirit?

[ShelfLife]

It's quite possibly a manifestation of your own mind, but this does sound interesting. Don't bother with priests, they have no idea what to do with ghosts. The only thing I can suggest is try talking to it. Even now, when you're not sure it's around, you can be certain it's listening. So feel free to say, "This is all around pleasant, but I'd much prefer you didn't," or "More tongue please."

After all, the ghost has probably heard you crying over your neglected genitals, and has kindly decided to help out. :3

By the way, why the **** in the title? It's unlike you to hold anything back.

[Peaches]

http://cdn1.knowyourmeme.com/i/5699/original/Pedobear.png?1247989869

(ShelfLife had a good answer too :P)

[Dv5]

Cock.

Plus, now I go to bed with a hard on anticipating it, so I can hardly sleep. I have to inject myself with copious amounts of Ketamine, and Heroin to even go into a light sleep. When I wake up, I realize that I have just jizzed, but I have no one to cuddle. Which makes me sad. If you believe what I just wrote.....N/M

I'm from America

[Funndeath]

If you don't want the ghost, tell it to call on me. ;)

[Dv5]

If you don't want the ghost, tell it to call on me. ;)

Well, I discovered that it wasn't a ghost. It was just my twin sister. No prob wit dat!

[The Empirical Guy]

Plus, now I go to bed with a hard on anticipating it, so I can hardly sleep.

If you have a hard on from anticipating it while in a totally concious state, you want it, so it's not really rape.

Also, is it possible that, just as some people sleep walk, you are performing auto fellatio in your sleep? The taste of cock upon waking is not evidence of this though: it could just be the ghost sticking it in while you're asleep.

[Dv5]

Like I said, it is my secret "Twin Sister". She just has exceptionally white skin.

[Emma]

Were you by chance watching Gostbusters directly before you went to sleep.

You are not Ray Stanz

[zwiebelsaft]

Actually- that was me. Sorry- I thought you liked it. :(

[ThreeEyedGod]

do you like fish sticks?

[Celiny-O]

Also, is it possible that, just as some people sleep walk, you are performing auto fellatio in your sleep?
Haven't you learnt anything from Manson? We all know that to perform fellatio on yourself, you need to get ribs removed. GAWWWWD!

Or you have to be Pickles the drummer.

;)

[Dv5]

TEG- I am pretty sure that I'm not. I would if I could. I mean I do use my hands after all. I'm not trying to be filthy, but I have been partially successful with sticking my dick up my own ass. Other than that, auto fellatio doesn't sound like a bad idea. Though having a girlfriend to get the job done for me would be much better.

I regret to inform all of you, that the phenomenon has been solved, and no longer occurs. I lied, perhaps I should have been more honest. I have a bobble head sex doll that I go to sleep with, with my dick in "her" mouth. The more restless I become, the tossing and turning triggers the bobble head movement. Rousing me from my sleep, and leaving me feel as though I've just been sexually experimented on by extraterrestrials. That is all.

I wondor if I should mention that to my new doctor today? hmmmm

[spaceSuicide]

http://i48.tinypic.com/mv5d6r.jpg

Disclaimer: mayormaynotbereal

[Dv5]

HaHa NiXXX. Only, I shave..that area.