View Full Version : My best-mate's parents.
02-03-2010, 06:09 AM
Mostly his mum...
They make me so fucking angry I could strangle them. He's 18, finished school, in university, mostly independant, drives a car and is probably the smartest person I know...and they don't let him stay out past 11pm. They don't let him sleep over anywhere, they suppress him because they're both fuckwits.
He can't socialise, he can't enjoy himself, he can't make any real life-steps. His mother is from china and his father is 70 years old...and because of this, their rediculous old-age/different culture views limit his freedom and expression.
Apparently I'm a drug dealer to his mum because I 'didn't look into her eyes properly' when we first met. She's superstitious and paranoid. When he once wanted to go on a camping trip, she put a knife to her wrists and screamed about how she'd failed as a mother.
I'm well aware that this doesn't appear so extreme when typed over the internet, but I can assure you it's so ludicrous it makes my fucking blood boil. He's the most amazing person in the world, I love him to bits and I just know that if they don't let up soon something horrible is going to happen to him.
EPIC SADFACE [/understatement.]
02-03-2010, 12:12 PM
Is your friend's life is simply... not a whole lot of fun, because of his family situation? Or is it truly intolerable? I mean, is he actually suffering? Or is it more that his parents are "such a drag?" Basically, he's the one who's really stuck with these nutters, not you- as much as it may pain you to see him have to deal with such insanity.
If you are concerned, you should have a serious conversation with him about it. It's up to him to decide how- if at all, he wants to address being treated like a 12 year old. It's very possible that simply tolerating his crazy parents is just a reality that he's resigned himself to deal with- that it would be less hassle than introducing the chaos of change? But if, as you fear, he's really in a place where "something horrible might happen to him" then try to help him figure out the best way to handle these people. The two basic routes are going to be conflict and avoidance/circumvention.
In the broad strokes, confrontation would be in the vein of "Look ma and pa, this shit isn't going to fly anymore. I'm staying up past 9:30 on non-school nights, maybe gonna go out with my pal ImNotJesus and catch a bawdy movie! Or snort coke and fuck hookers until I can't feel anymore!" Or whatever, you know? The other avenue, avoidance, would basically be to just lie to them. Lie his ass off. "Work study... blah, blah, blah... internship... blah, blah, blah... school field trip... etc." They're Asian, right? Anything school/career related and your friend should be golden, no? And if his mother really is a paranoid fob and his dad is a 5,000 year old Chinese Ancient it's not like they're going to be fact-checking that shit, right?
02-03-2010, 11:29 PM
At no point did you specify that he is not living at home, leaving room for the assume that he is, and therein lies his problem (if in fact he regards it as a problem). So his parents are fuckwits--it's their fuckwit home, therefore one is to abide by their fuckwit rules. The solution is as simple as bidding them adieu, abandoning them completely if need be. A presently unobtainable goal? A hungry enough creature will eat its own flesh; it will happen when he decides that the situation is so dire that it cannot be tolerated a moment further--it will happen. But the fact that it hasn't or is not in the process would seem evidence enough that such a time has not yet arrived.
02-05-2010, 05:14 PM
That sounds like my parents, when I was younger... just kidding, they were not that extreme, and they were more permissive with me than... let's say: my sister.
the thing is: Your friend has to be the first one to realize that, no matter how much love (or chains) your parents throw at you, there's a point in which they must understand that their kid has to live a life of his own, and there's nothing they can do to stop it. A natural, unstoppable natural evolutive step. We all do it, sooner or later.
He will understand it, and he will do something about it, with supportive friends like you beside him. And one day his parents will understand as well why he did whatever he decided to do, and won't be mad at him. All this is another step of that ridiculously funny adventure we call "life".
This is going to sound harsh. But, I think it is time that your mate best let the dinosaurs retire back to their caves. They have no control over him, if he were to do as he wished, they could take no action. If he is mostly independant, then I suggest he just move out on his own. I had parents like this, and pretty much lived in a situation like your mate. I dealt with it for a few months after I turned 18. Then I basically told my parental units to fuck off, which actually led to things getting pretty ugly. But, in the end...I was much happier. Get an apartment together.
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