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RevManz
02-17-2010, 09:20 AM
Our relationship is sweet as pie,
Hopefully it will never die.

For him purgatory used to enstill fear,
now freedom, sweet individuality, and music enters into his ear.

His personality is golden,
Like the sweet, juicy fruits from Eden.

From beginning fascination about his beliefs brought a long list of messages,
the days were the exact opposite of ages.

Leaving compliements; it warms both of our hearts,
they are beautiful as the arts.

the only tragic gut-wretching part,
is Why do we have to live so far, far..far apart?

Mexicanfiend
03-05-2010, 12:13 PM
I could get all strict and say that your rhymes, if well constructed, sometimes fall into a simplistic way of finding their correspondent matches throughout te poem.

I could tell you that the parabols -altough cute- they still need to be reworked a little more.

I could tell you that I see writing potential that still has to be worked on and upon...

...

But I won't.

Furthermore, I'd rather tell you that I'm flattered beyond belief :):):):) No one has ever done something like this to me, and godamn it feels good!!! <3