PDA

View Full Version : Some Poems



Seven
03-11-2010, 09:50 AM
Untitled #1

How many lemons are there sitting on the tree
How many apples on the ground
How many pennies are there falling on the ice
How many echoes have unwound

Have you seen the yellow in the roses as they grow
Have you seen the purple in the sky
Did you hear the warning as the river fell too low
Have you watched tomorrow slowly die

How many butterflies have fallen in the pit
The cherries slowly perish and expire
How many devils have you roasted on the spit
The dancers kiss the green flame in the fire

Expectation flutters and the wind of time just mutters
Too intransient to pause and let you cry
Evolution steps aside and the wings of change collide
As the seasons in the moment tell the lie

Time is truly endless and the Universe contains
A nothing that refuses to refrain
The petals fall in line and the arrow that remains
Is falling up and dying once again


Untitled #2

He sits in the fire haloed and cold
Counting the steps he takes
There is no rhythm in his heartbeat
Screaming silence slithers
Crushing flame with velvet coils

Darkness twists within darkness
On the edge of sight
He picks up the pieces of the shattered glass
The mirror is covered
The white cloth stained

The stones read pious words
Grouted with bloody flecks
He watches shapes without shape in the blurred window
There is only ice
In the dancing dust

Not Mechanical
03-11-2010, 03:03 PM
I think the second piece is really great, I very much enjoyed reading that, and both pieces have a great sense of imagery and description.
I noticed the second, third and fifth stanzas rhymed lines 1 and 3, while the first and fourth didn't, which seemed a bit random, though may have been the intention. I also found the line about the pennies on the ice a little weird, but both those things aren't a big deal, that's just what you get when an English student reads your writing ;)

Seven
03-11-2010, 06:59 PM
Thank you for being so nice, it's been a while since I've shown anyone my poetry and I was a bit nervous.

The variation in rhythm was deliberate, I like to play with that sometimes. It is also intended to reflect a change of thought pattern from the narrator. The pennies falling on the ice is about how money is worthless when there is nothing else. .

Seven
03-24-2010, 09:54 AM
No Solution

Inside my soul is only darkness
I searched for light inside the flame
Revelation choked and died
On dreams of faith and suicide
And I have found there's no solution here

The twisted monkey seeks forgiveness
His empathy has torn apart
Everything fades and the wheel of pain
Winds it up a notch again
And I have found there's no solution here

Desolation knows no mercy
The futile clock runs out of time
Blood runs out to clot and spread
Hope is lost and God is dead
And I have found there's no solution here