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Necrophilip
10-09-2010, 06:43 PM
Despair in my heart and soul
Under the hardened crust
Dying is art, making me whole
Each doing what each must

Gentlemen donít lust
Only knives and razors
The tools I can trust

The feeling of cold rain on my skin
Realizing the deep pain within
Opening an artery, a vein
Loving, with nothing to gain
Losing this much blood is
Easier than losing you
Doing only what I need to

VIDe
10-14-2010, 12:30 AM
Are you okay? You seem down.

Shangri-LIE
10-14-2010, 04:45 PM
I was going to reply to this a few days, but I don't know if you are just being prosaic, or if you are truly lamenting and feeling the bottomless gut of despair that this particular poem construes. Either way, even if you are romanticising suicide as a catharsis for dealing with something that is making you feel the way you do, if you are in fact feeling that way, then that is a better outlet than actually committing suicide. Especially for the sake of a lost relationship, or a loved one. There is room for development though. The part that I liked is that it seemed raw. Like that is exactly what you were thinking and just transcribed it onto paper,(or a text box), and vented. Keep it up.

Necrophilip
10-14-2010, 09:51 PM
Are you okay? You seem down.I'm fine, thank you. But I'm glad I seem that way.


I was going to reply to this a few days, but I don't know if you are just being prosaic, or if you are truly lamenting and feeling the bottomless gut of despair that this particular poem construes. Either way, even if you are romanticising suicide as a catharsis for dealing with something that is making you feel the way you do, if you are in fact feeling that way, then that is a better outlet than actually committing suicide. Especially for the sake of a lost relationship, or a loved one. There is room for development though. The part that I liked is that it seemed raw. Like that is exactly what you were thinking and just transcribed it onto paper,(or a text box), and vented. Keep it up.I have to take a hint of pleasure in you not knowing whether I'm just being prosaic or truly this and that, though I'm aware it has mostly to do with you not being familiar with me or who/how I am. You're also right in that it is very raw and candid, and of course, that there's room for development.

I sort of did keep it up, but wasn't sure whether to post the second part of this. I'm now convinced it is necessary. It's on some level part of the first one, and written shortly after it:



So alone with it all
Ready to take the fall
Sad, no one understands
Looking at these hands
You, him, her – not one understands
?

keyboards
11-01-2010, 07:27 AM
I like this because it sounds like something I would have written many years ago in high school. Show me something else you've written, I'd like to see how deep the comparison may run.

Necrophilip
11-01-2010, 12:59 PM
i like this because it sounds like something i would have written many years ago in high school. Show me something else you've written, i'd like to see how deep the comparison may run.s
r
s
l
y
?

keyboards
11-01-2010, 06:02 PM
It's cool if you don't want to.