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View Full Version : I'm making a comic, please tell me what you think so far?



oysterboy
12-21-2013, 12:20 PM
So I'm making a comic and haven't shown it to many people yet. I'm posting some of the pages here hoping I can get a little feedback and then make any necessary fixes before showing it more widely!

It's a dumb story about some dumbish high school girls and their obsession with the school sports hero. They develop a plan to kidnap him and this is the story of that.

Any feedback, positive or constructively negative is much appreciated!

If you like this, you can find me on social media to keep in touch with it's progress as well.

www.facebook.com/adamathertonart

www.adamatherton.tumblr.com

Thanks!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/001_zpse94aef3b.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/001_zpse94aef3b.jpg.html)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/002_zpsf9ffa71b.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/002_zpsf9ffa71b.jpg.html)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/003_zpsad7b49ee.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/003_zpsad7b49ee.jpg.html)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/004_zps4d17575d.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/004_zps4d17575d.jpg.html)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/005_zps8fd3f878.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/005_zps8fd3f878.jpg.html)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/006_zps7caad517.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/006_zps7caad517.jpg.html)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/007_zps7c994605.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/007_zps7c994605.jpg.html)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/008_zps6d475d9c.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/008_zps6d475d9c.jpg.html)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/oysterboy59/009_zpse45fba50.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/oysterboy59/media/009_zpse45fba50.jpg.html)

Christy Clyde
01-31-2014, 12:12 PM
Thanks for sharing! You asked for feedback. I think this is always very subjective and "critics" actually don't exist, but I can tell you my thoughts on it:
Thumbs up for the way you designed the police! I like those small heads and big bodies. I think the whole style is unique, what I like! For the story I'd have to read further to really be able to say something. I had a good laugh at "A boy so devoted, he'd have flown all the planes in the world into the Twin Towers for her" and I think it is stronger, if it speaks for itself. Don't think you have to explain it afterwards and say it's a metaphor. It's a strong picture that doesn't need to be relativized.

Trust in yourself, then it's at it's best.

oysterboy
05-07-2014, 01:00 PM
Hi Christy,

Thanks for your feedback! :)!

I've since did an overhaul on the comic and trashed some of the pages I started with. As I developed the idea more and got better with using the stylus, I found the first bunch of pages to be disposable. I've launched a website for the comic and you can check that out at:

www.blackcreekcomic.com

Thanks again :)

Hazekiah
05-17-2014, 04:21 AM
Hey! I've been a BIG fan for a long time and wish I had more time to chime in before I pass out drunk, but...

Anyway, I'm just commenting on the pages in here since I'm short on time (lulz) but this is absolutely GREAT. And as much as I love "Lily of the Valley" this is a great stylistic shift. Very much looking forward to clicking that link and seeing MUCH more!

The only things that struck me as even SLIGHTLY off were the awkward grammar in the second sentence of the first caption of the first panel (it should be "OF which we were certain," unless that's just some weird Canadian thing), and the arrangement of the "I've gotta go pee" panel.

It would work far more comfortably from an english-speaking comix perspective if that panel were arranged with Jen on the left (as she speaks FIRST) followed by Tammy on the right (as she speaks SECOND), although the word balloon placement does a perfectly adequate job of clarifying things as is, so no real worries there. I just personally think it's kinda grating when panel-composition flies in the face of reading flow...word balloons be damned, lol.

On a similar note, there's a related bit of mild awkwardness above that in the panel about the chloroform.

If Tammy were on the RIGHT side of the panel and Jen on the LEFT, it would be more clear visually that Jen is addressing Erika in the panel directly to the LEFT of that one...which is of course especially important considering the delivery of the exposition regarding who's who. Since that's the purpose of exposition in the first place, it should naturally always be as clearly communicated as possible. As it is now the hairstyle-oblivious reader might easily get confused visually as to whom is being addressed as "Erika" despite the clarity of the text on that matter.

OMG, such minor and exceedingly technical nitpickings, please don't be confused...THIS IS FUCKING GREAT.

Loving the left-justified text in the word balloons, btw!

Keep it up, man. As ALWAYS, completely awesome and engaging stuff.

I fucking love your work!

:D

oysterboy
05-29-2014, 02:09 PM
Hey Haz, thanks for all the kind words and taking the time to provide some feedback and observations! I fixed alot of the grammar stuff. It was mainly a result of typing it out quickly. I've also removed some of these pages from the end product but plan to reincorporate the pee gag into it in a future scene.lol
I noticed the orientation of the characters as a minor issue but ultimately left it as is. These pages were my first time working all digitally with a tablet and it's surprising how much the change affects your eye for some things. I had to just leave it though cause I already work slow enough and rework things over and over, some things I just have to let slide and move onto the next.lol

I plan to distinguish their appearances further in the second 'issue', being the second chunk of 25 pages, and work more on character development.

Another major change from these pages I posted is the colour scheme. I greatly improved it, in my opinion. You can check out the finished product as I post it week by week @ www.BLACKCREEKcomic.com

Thanks again man!

BlueEyeLens
05-29-2014, 07:19 PM
The art work is fucking awesome man. I like what you're doing here. I'd have to agree with Haz on the "who the fuck is talkin' to who?" part.
Other than that, this shit is fantastic!

Keep making more shit, give everything you got into it! Don't disarray from your creativity- keep that shit pumpin'!

\M/