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Thread: Alcohol & Substance Use

  1. #731
    cold blows the wind Golden Eel's Avatar
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    So a little update on my opium WD - I know nobody cares and nobody reads this thread but when I get the urge to type an 1,100 word post on the internet, then dad-gummit I'm gonna!

    So. I had the last of my poppy tea 3 and 1/2 days ago. I was trying to stretch it the last few days, so I split about 1/3 of my normal dose between the nights of 10/15 and 10/16. For reference I was taking ~1lb/day for nearly two years. Which is a lot, for a long time. Even so, those 1/6 doses were all but useless.

    WDs are definitely beginning to rear their head.

    If I were addicted to something simple like heroin, I'd be through the worst of it by now. But I decided to get addicted to not just morphine and codeine, but also the other 50+ different alkaloids in the tea that I have to withdraw from all at once. I'll be lucky if the absolute worst of it is over a month from now. Then probably another month to get back to "normal." Then assuming I stayed clean, probably a couple years of post-acute-withdrawal syndrome. (I won't be staying 'clean' for a couple years.)

    I'm feeling pain and soreness in my body that I forgot I could feel lol. The entire reason I started messing with opioid is because of bulging discs in my back. I'm realizing now that the pain in my back hasn't actually gone away. It's just been numbed out for two years while I moved around like it was nbd and surely fucked it up way more. Moving at all is not super fun right now. Restless limbs are beginning to make quite an appearance. My temperature regulation has always been fucked so I'm not sure how that's changed. The diarrhea was the very first thing to start and it's not anywhere near stopping.

    EDIT: I forgot to mention the sniffling, constant sneezing, and fucking relentless fucking yawning. I wake up and start yawning and keep yawning all day and night and go to sleep and wake up yawning and repeat. Fuck I hate it.

    I discovered that crystal is pretty decent for overpowering opioid withdrawal. So that's generally helped. Still don't feel awesome, but it lets me go to work. Although I snorted/ate a decent amount yesterday/the day before, and when I eventually passed out I got maybe 2 hours of sleep before I woke up to a comedown from both drugs. I had the most painful acid reflux of my life from I assume eating so much dope and no food. It seriously felt like somebody was trying to stab their way out of my esophagus with a hot razor. And I was really feeling the restless limbs at that point.

    So just picture a grown man sitting up and rocking back and forth in bed in the dark and clutching his throat and trying to choke down bile, screams, and tears. With the occasional break (see: every 5 seconds) to wildly and angrily punch and flail his arms and legs around. Pretty glamorous shit tbh.

    But the speed is incredibly dehydrating and the opium withdrawal is dehydrating and the diarrhea is dehydrating and I never want to stand up to get to the sink for water. Plus I finally got a sweet-ass heater and my bedroom is so small that it's constantly 90° in here (even if it's 20° in the rest of my place.) So based on all those factors the logical outcome is that I'll probably just shrivel up into a sort of horrifying desiccated nightmare mummy creature to be discovered by county workers - stuck to my bed with my arms and legs in baffling contorted poses, assorted drugs and paraphernalia and candy and rubbed-in cigarette ash strewn about my bed, battery acid and acetone seeping out of a hole in my neck and melting through my linens, and of course St Vincent and Tobacco blaring on repeat out of my tiny laptop speakers. What a life. (Also, what a clumsy annoying run-on sentence.)

    I took a couple xanax over the past few days which was probably a bad idea to use them so soon. I'll hopefully be getting a decent amount of gabapentin and maybe a few more xanax, a few valium, and maybe some muscle relaxers. Gonna try to look into kratom as well. And then some Immodium and the dope of course. Probably should have prepared a bit more for this battle, but at least I still have plenty of time to figure it out!



    Might as well just combine these two unrelated posts because the PM anti-double-post robot will squish them together anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by Christina View Post
    Gabapentin, percs, and pot being the only drugs I've done, I have really no desire to try heavier drugs but one in particular I'm very curious about and that is coke. Living in a small town it's hard to get whereas meth is very easy to get (not something I'd try)

    I've heard mixed reviews about it: some say it's really great and others say it's not worth it at all because of the price and the fact that it apparently doesn't last long?? I don't know but I think it'd be pretty awesome to try.
    Quote Originally Posted by Golden Eel View Post
    I can tell you that you heard... wrong. The two *main* appeals of meth are that it's cheap as hell and it lasts goddamn forever. Like, those are the reasons it's as huge as it is. Meth that's expensive and doesn't last long is just coke.

    But other than that it's going to be different for everybody to such a huge degree that it's hard to say how it'll feel for you unless you just try it yourself. I might type up a full report on my experience one of these days if I get good and high and don't get distracted fully disassembling my laptop to clean it or organizing settings and sub-menus in every piece of software I have installed (for the 20th time this month.)
    Wow, I just now realized that I completely misread your post cc:@Christina. I'm not the most experienced with coke but I research quite a lot of these things so I can offer a bit of info since nobody else answered. You are correct in that the common complaints about coke are that it's expensive and that it usually leads to compulsive redosing. A line lasts ~40m if it's big and you have no tolerance. And it's definitely expensive if you plan on doing it every day. But you're probably not planning on that. I don't know any coke addicts tbh. They definitely exist, but I don't think they're incredibly common among any class of people that isn't "Saudi prince." Crack is a different story of course.

    I hear the "coke doesn't work on me" thing a lot. But I also hear the "you've only ever had shit coke" rebuttal just as much. Honestly I thought I was one of those people for years - I had tried coke twice and both times consisted of a tiny bump with no effect so I assumed I was just immune. Eventually I found myself doing an actual line of what seemed to be actual coke. It was subtle but it was definitely noticeable and great, for the very short while it lasted. So while some people have a higher natural tolerance, I think bad coke is just a lot more common than normal people realize. If you get good coke, you're gonna love it. It definitely isn't "not worth it at all" unless you get complete garbage.

    I only have the above posts to go on so I don't know if you have an addictive personality or you just extra-loved gabby, but I would say try anything you're sincerely interested in. The world of drugs is fascinating and amazing and wonderful. Coke is one of the easier things to suggest because it's a lot less of a horrible deadly "hard" drug than people think. It's pretty middle of the road in terms of harm. But if you think there's a chance you'll get hooked on something, well the seed is already planted and you most likely will let yourself get hooked unless you make an effort to not do so.
    Last edited by Golden Eel; 10-20-2017 at 02:42 PM. Reason: yawned and sneezed

  2. #732
    Mexicanfiend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Golden Eel View Post
    Damn dude. Is this a normal experience for psychonauts? The class of drug I know the absolute least about, both in knowledge and first-hand experience, is the hallucinogen/psychedelic/entheogen/etc family.
    I don't think so. Every human is different in chemistry, ideas and resistance, so no. I've always been like that: I try some new stuff, I exploit it for a few months, and when I feel I have to quit, I simply do it, without regrets and not looking back.

    I feel like DMT has become much more common in the past decade or so, but honestly that might just be to that being the time period during which I first started hearing about it... But it seems like a heavy dose of Joe Rogan plus Enter The Void plus DMT: The Spirit Molecule and a few other big cultural dents have helped to really bring DMT to the forefront. I remember showing people that Rogan video ten years ago and nobody I knew had ever heard of DMT. Now it seems like every psychonaut and amateur tripper is a DMT professional.
    Yeah, it has risen in popularity a lot, recently, and I understand why. It is a different type of psychedelic to, let's say, LSD or Salvia Divinorum. In fact, Salvia is the closest effect I can compare it too, but wth Salvia is a more abstract trip; DMT "has its own agenda", so to speak. Doesn't give you the trip you want, but the one you need.

    So, what exactly does "many months" mean? When was the first time you used it? How often have you been using it lately? Did you trip as a way to get "high" as time-killing recreation or did you have a purpose? Were you trying to discover something within yourself? Were you trying to discover something within the universe within yourself? Did you discover either? Again I'm no expert, but I feel like if you've reached the point of getting bored/annoyed/sick during and after taking such a consciousness-altering chemical, maybe it's the best choice you could make to stop? Many people would argue that reaching this point means you were done a long time ago - there's nothing more you can get out of it.

    Shrug. Give the thread some details if you feel like.

    P.S. lol reaching a point where you "just don't feel like" consuming opium anymore is unfathomable to me. I normally describe the drug I use daily as 'morphine/codeine' but it's just pure opium latex. I'm not sure how different the availability and legality is in Mexico, but how do you take it? Do you use pods? Do you smoke it or use it orally?
    So far, I've smoked it regularly for all of 2017. I got to the point in which I could smoke 3 grams a night, non-stop. And yes, I used it for guidance and lighting within, and it helped me; it made me realize why a girl was kinda into me, and with DMT I learnt how to exploit and feel confident about myself, when I'm around her. And other personal things that will stay that way...

    But I always have a purpose when trying new drugs. I believe in them the way ancient civilizations did: tools of power, whose altered, higher states of conscience can be life-changing for good, if used correctly. I use them as gates to reach out parts of me and this universe I'm not allowed to when I'm "normal", and sometimes it makes me feel like a 21st. century shaman, full of knowledge and lost in the gray occupations of the routine.

    And opium: I used to take it orally. Smoked never was that strong. It is a good one, since it is produced in here; but the negative effects made me feel sick of it pretty fast.

  3. #733
    Administrator
    Unkillable Party Monster
    S.D.'s Avatar
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    You don't have to take a grain of this into consideration if you don't feel it, Golden Eel, but for whatever it's worth I think you're a decent enough guy. A total gibbon occasionally, but not a cunt or anything. Your appreciation of art and music which affirms our gut emotions or personal enlightenment is admirable, as is your ability to see comedy as a tool for mass truth.

    That aside, the routines and living space you've described (unless you're embellishing, in which case you're a good story-teller) sound eerily familiar to me, including your decision to rely on excessive stimuli on a daily basis.
    I'm not anyone particularly important, being an 'Administrator' of this website doesn't mean anything, but it does allow me to see a panorama of lives and over several years, become invested in the well-being of people I will likely never meet in person, who live thousands of miles away. The descriptions you've given don't paint a happy picture, and if that's true, I'm sorry chief, I know how much it all fucking eats us from the inside.
    This quest you're on - if it's all you genuinely want - go get it man, but don't expect not to fucking die without precedent years before you probably need to. I could do without any more shitty, misery-tainted news this year, or any other year to be honest, especially as there's several of our number who didn't even make it even this far.
    Again, take whatever route your heart dictates, you're not a child. But if it's worth a second or two of your time, I'd be sad if that happened, so maybe take a little better care of yourself.

    Also, Happy Birthday.

    S.D.
    "the Serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which
    the LORD god had made
    "

    m e m e n t o m o r i . p o s t m o r t e m


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  5. #734
    Spirit Animal Procrastinator's Avatar
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    On a serious note, @Golden Eel I'd be glad if you listen to what @S.D. said above.

    P.S.: I liked the original thread title better.


  6. #735
    cold blows the wind Golden Eel's Avatar
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    All of a sudden @S.D. is all like "don't die MMT, you're not really even that much of a cunt" yet when I message him on Facebook to quickly move a thread or delete a post for me it's just "sorry I'm too busy"

    smh I'm just trying to say I think we'll know who's to blame when I finally reach the threshold of being blasted enough to finally check out.

    And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call. I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall. I loved you S., we coulda been together — think about it! You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it and when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it; I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me.

    xo
         

    and with just one faint glance back into the sea
    the mollusk lingers with its wandering eye
      
      

  7. #736

    Join Date: 04.09.12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Golden Eel View Post
    Double-posting since it's almost 6 hours later and a totally different subject since my last post.

    It's been a week since I've had any speed after my two month run of almost non-stop use. The physical withdrawal was non-existent. The only urges were mental. I'd 100% be doing more if I had any money right now, but I don't and it's not a huge deal. I honestly don't feel any effects at all, but that may be due to the fact that 'meth withdrawal' is consistent with my normal, default state of being - anhedonia, dysphoria, constant sleep, heavy appetite, crippling depression, physical fatigue making it impossible to even get out of bed, etc. This is all the stuff I feel every day, so coming down from this shit feels like nothing at all.

    I'm honestly shocked. I knew there was no physical withdrawal from meth, but I honestly expected it to be SO much worse than this.

    My real concern is that even if I had money, there is currently no supply for the morphine/codeine I've taken daily for the past two years. This is going to be a real problem. I have enough for maybe one or two more days, but after that I'm in for two to three weeks of hell. I've never experienced serious opioid withdrawals but according to first-hand accounts from others, the withdrawal from the combination I'm on is said to be notably worse than heroin withdrawal, specifically in terms of length of time. I only take a high enough dose for stabilization and normalcy, meaning I don't take enough to get blasted and nod off all day, so it won't be as bad as some have it but it will not be pleasant. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it, but a tolerance break will be good. It's been a long time since I've not been dependent on a drug so it's going to be an interesting experience.

    I've made more contacts with the drug supply chain lately in my meth experimentation, so I think I'd be able to get some black if the need is strong enough but I'd like to avoid that for the time being. Meth is also useful for getting off of opioids so that may be an avenue to assist my struggles. Will update when the time comes.
    Now I understand.
    Last edited by SangreV; 10-22-2017 at 03:15 PM.

  8. #737
    cold blows the wind Golden Eel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SangreV View Post
    Now I understand.
    It's true. Drugs are the reason why I'm not an alt-right internet troll. Such a shame.
         

    and with just one faint glance back into the sea
    the mollusk lingers with its wandering eye
      
      

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  10. #738

    Join Date: 04.09.12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Golden Eel View Post
    It's true. Drugs are the reason why I'm not an alt-right internet troll. Such a shame.
    No, but they'll be the reason for methmouth and scarecrow hair, if you haven't got that already. But it's a shame that your gums will be missing the company of teeth, and that you'll be sporting your Cryptkeeper costume a week too early for Halloween, and a lifetime too long.

    I don't know why you're bragging about any of this. You're not breaking bad, it's actually pretty disgusting. Seek help immediately. Someone, if only one, must care about your well being. It's no wonder you've got bad judgment and don't understand the concept of accountability.
    Last edited by SangreV; 10-22-2017 at 03:47 PM.

  11. #739
    GAFSTER FuckmanQ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Golden Eel View Post
    It's true. Drugs are the reason why I'm not an alt-right internet troll. Such a shame.
    LMFAO, god damn dude. ^^^^
    A system organized around the weakest qualities of individuals will produce these same qualities in its leaders.

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