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Thread: The Sex Accidents Thread

  1. #1
    Married to Suedehead Shangri-LIE's Avatar
    Join Date: 08.05.09
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    Default The Sex Accidents Thread

    This is for those of us who wish to share stories of sexcapade blunders, and fouls.

    Explain a scenario of a time when you commited acts of "fornicative" malpractice, such as but not limited to..

    - Accidently killing someone during a rough BDSM session.
    - Passing out from drug use before letting the person you have caged in your "gonzo room" full of ferrets out.
    - Waking up and finding out that you are the guy on "2 kids and a Sandbox" ect..

    Well, I'll start it out. One time I had a girl assume the asswards position, and attempted to do a roller blading trick. I had a ramp built, and a rope attatched to the bumper of my friends car. The car took off at what seemed to be mach speed. I hit the ramp intending on plunging into her from behind. I was midair, hand smack high, and cock behold, gliding in slow motion when I realized something horrifying. My friend had hit her with his car. He was high. She spent weeks in recovery and eventually died. Don't get high before you get behind the wheel. This has been a PSA from the PresidentofWhatever.

    Share your stories....
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


  2. #2
    ShelfLife's Avatar
    Join Date: 06.20.09
    Location: Sydney, Australia
    Posts: 623
    Rank: Crimson Soil

    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    ^^ ....okay.

    I've got a good one. I call it Redefining Phone Sex.

    Early on in our relationship, I went over and visited my boyfriend. He had been saying something about phones the last few times I'd seen him, and that time, once I was tied up and gagged on the bed, he crept over between my legs, put something into a condom (I couldn't see), then I felt a second of intense pain, then nothing.

    Smirking, he went up to the landline and dialed a number, then watched me. Nothing. He tried again, nothing, he went, "Hmm," and "Well, I guess I'll take it out then."

    He went back between my legs, looked down and then went, "Hrmmm...I don't think I can take it out." Then he looked at me, all sexy eyes and smirks gone, and said, "I'm serious, I think it's stuck."

    He took off the gag and I said, "What's going on? What the hell did you put inside me?"

    And he said, "My mobile phone," and immediately burst out laughing. Then he stopped, looked at me, and said, with all the gutso of a midwife, "PUSH!"

    There was about five minutes of him laughing, looking down there nervously, and trying to work out what to do, and me, by now untied, moaning and covering my face with my hands, certain that I was going to have to go to the ER and explain to the doctors why I had a condom-wrapped phone inside me.

    Eventually, I said, "You put it in there, you fucking take it out," and he pulled it out and I bled for a bit afterwards, then I curled under the covers and said, "I'm going to go to sleep and pretend this never ever happened," and he couldn't stop neither laughing or apologising.

    Though, looking back on it, it's highly amusing how stupid we both were. Of course it wouldn't vibrate inside me, there is no fucking reception up my pussy!

  3. #3
    Married to Suedehead Shangri-LIE's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    ^^

    WoW. Imagine if it had started ringing or vibrating?!?!?!?

    Anyway, that seems funny to me. But I can see how it wasn't to you. hehe
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


  4. #4
    I am another yourself. Dronepool's Avatar
    Join Date: 06.20.09
    Location: New Yawk Shitty
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    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    That phone story is pretty funny, heh.

    I don't think I could contribute to any wild sex accident stories. Not anything recent anyway. I've been too socially closed off to interact with most people, besides co-workers and when I'm out buying stuff. So I lead a pretty unadventurous life for the most part. Well, for the last 2 years or so.

    I don't remember anything being accidental and besides I've been high and dry for the last year and few months. Unless not being able to 'finish' because of not being into it at all counts as an accident. Even if I did remember something, if it was too crazy I think that I would feel weird talking about it.



  5. #5
    Celiny-O's Avatar
    Join Date: 06.22.09
    Location: Victoria, Australia
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    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    ShelfLife, that was one of the best things I have ever read. Thank you. :P
    I don't think anyone could top ShelfLife and PresidentofWhatever.

    I don't have anything particularly interesting to contribute.
    Mainly just things like:
    Bashing heads.
    When I first had sex standing up, we almost fell over.
    When Ben was talking dirty to me, instead of naughty, he said nerdy. I couldn't stop laughing.
    Obviously the mood was ruined after that.
    "I've always wondered who makes those minuscule ziploc bags. What sandwich is going to fit in one of those?" - Marilyn Manson

  6. #6
    ShelfLife's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by PresidentofWhatever
    ^^

    WoW. Imagine if it had started ringing or vibrating?!?!?!?

    Anyway, that seems funny to me. But I can see how it wasn't to you. hehe
    That was his intention. ;)

    Didn't work of course, but I think it was worth the trauma then just to have an awesome story to tell you guys now. And in hindsight, it wasn't the most traumatic sex-related incident we'd had in our relationship. But definitely the funniest. :3

  7. #7
    Administrator
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    S.D.'s Avatar
    Join Date: 06.19.09
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    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    The only sex accident I can think of is PresidentofWhatever.


    DON'T LET THEM KNOW HOW FAR YOU GO...

  8. #8
    INC 303's Avatar
    Join Date: 06.20.09
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    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by S.D.
    The only sex accident I can think of is PresidentofWhatever.
    Zing

    This girl kneed me in the balls once. Was a bit of a mood killer.

  9. #9
    Married to Suedehead Shangri-LIE's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by S.D.
    The only sex accident I can think of is PresidentofWhatever.
    It wasn't an accident, so stop expressing "buyers remorse". You weren't drugged or raped. YOU BOUGHT THE PLANE TICKET LAST WEEK. YOU WINED AND DINED ME. THE REST ONLY YOU AND I KNOW ABOUT. I can still feel your breath on my earlobe. Mistake my fucking ass, which you loved BY THE WAY!
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


  10. #10
    Moderator
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    The Empirical Guy's Avatar
    Join Date: 06.21.09
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    Default Re: The Sex Accidents Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by dave303
    Quote Originally Posted by S.D.
    The only sex accident I can think of is PresidentofWhatever.
    Zing

    This girl kneed me in the balls once. Was a bit of a mood killer.
    I've had that. I've also had the dog come in and stick an extra tongue in while making out. I've also poked my girlfriend in the eye as it was dark. It was with a finger though, which makes it slightly less humorous.
    My avatar looks like a mix of NIN, My Chemical Romance, and Chris Vrenna

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