I've never had someone utterly betroth to me, so I don't know too much about it. I must admit that I have been a homewrecker in the past, as well as been wrecked by people with similar ambitions to call check mate on a relationship and erase me from the photo records.
I want to believe in it, but can it TRULY exist? Can two people be in love and stay that way "forever", or at least until the end of natrual life. I've always seen it as a flawed ideology. Something illusory, as well as an irrational expectation.
I can say that I have never cheated on anyone though. However, I have always been confused by the definition of "a relationship". Is it possible to love just one person and herald them as "the one"? I've had a severley fucked up love life, so I can't even look deep inside myself and figure out an answer for it.
Well, theoretically- yes.There are 6 billion people on Earth, and out of this number there will be a percentage of monogomous couples who stayed together for all their lives. Maybe out of this quantity there will be an even smaller number of couples who never cheated at all. And then divide it once more, by ten, or something, and you'll get the percentage of people who actually were happy this way. So if you ask me do I believe in monogamy, the answer would be yes, because it definitely exists, but it only works for a very small minority of people. Does it work for me? No, definitely not. Well, at least so far it never did.
I REALLY hate to sound like an asshole, because I'm not one. But, Ada? Did you pull those stats out of your ass or what? :p
Originally Posted by Ada Veen
Maybe if we were all lobsters..............
Where exactly did you see the *stats* in my post? I was just saying that it must be one smaller number out of another small number. And what is the number exactly I dont know. Whatever...
Well, you were talking about 6 billion or so people on thie planet grave, and then insinuating that a very small amount of couples have ever cheated. Then you asked me to "divide it by ten or something". I'm sorry it just didn't make very much sense.
It made sense. But who cares, you're going off your own topic.
Anyways, yes I agree that people can be monogamous, but I don't feel that we all should be. I feel there is this stigma in society around being monogamous or polymorphic, and i feel that it really doesn't fucking matter what anyone is as long as the other side is consenting. It should be up to each individual, its just a matter of finding someone that thinks the same as you, or at least in a way you can tolerate.
I took those approximate numbers out of my own experience. Like, out of every 10 couples that I know, there would be one that is (or seems) to be happy in a monogomous relationship without any drama going on. All the rest are either cheating, or splitting up at some point, or not cheating but obviously unhappy, or it is an open relationship which may also be happy and may be not. I am not a scientist and I don't have the exact statistics, but your question was: * does monogamy trully exist*. So I was saying that imo it would be highly unlikely to suggest that out of all couples on the planet there would be none happily monogamous. Now get it?
I think it can exist in a way. What I mean by that is that out of all the people on earth there is always someone better for you than the person you end up with, but... if you really love a person and willing to forgive said person for something he did, close your eyes to his past mistakes, given that the person decides to stick with you too, there is a chance that the two people will stay together. So I kind of agree with Ada that a tiny percentage of people dostay together and are happy about it...
Did that make sence? And this is just my opinion...
Marriage (which is the institution that insists upon monogamy) was created as a way of a male keeping track of his property - ie, his woman and his heirs, so he could be sure that all his worldy possessions would go onto his flesh and blood relations. For a long time, a male committing adultery, having a mistress or hiring a prostitute was no big deal, but God help a woman if she spent too much time with a male that wasn't her husband or her father.
In this day and age...well, frankly, monogamy goes against nature, but human beings do a lot of things that go against nature, so that argument instantly fails. I like to believe that monogamy is part of a person's personality - I can stay happily monogamous in a relationship. My mother can't, she says it's just not in her nature.
I think lying to a person is a hell of a lot worse on cheating with someone. If my lover fucked someone else (our relationship is non-binding, so we are both free to pursue others), I would shrug and not ask questions about it (apart from, "Did you use protection?). I don't think I'd be very hurt, partly because I know about it, and I have the option to do the same (even though I have absolutely no inclination or urge to). However, if I found out that he was taking another girl out to dinner, buying her gifts, or kissing her in the rain, I would be incredibly hurt. THEN I would feel cheated.
It's all down to the individual relationship and the individuals within that relationship. Each relationship has a contract, so to speak. I don't think that "must not fuck others" should be compulsory for all relationships, but "must always be honest" should.
R ♥ P E
I agree whatever works for to every individual. But people should be more honest with themselves and their partners about what they really want. I know a lot of people who talk a big game about being open with their relationships, but when it really comes down to it they are either just fucking around because they haven't really met anyone who would be worth a monogamous commitment or they're too jaded to think such a person actually exists, or they're only interested in the monogamy going one way- they're cheaters. I have never cheated on anyone, and after some particularly bad experiences there is no way I would ever tolerate it in a future relationship. I honestly don't understand how it is so difficult for some people to be honest with themselves and their partners about their own actions and desires. What happened to self-control? I really don't get it.
Right now I'm just fucking around until I really meet someone, and I think it's dreadfully lonely. I'm almost turned off by sex altogether at this point. Maybe it's just the rain has me in a funk.