As a happily married man, I don't think you have to adhear to any religion to find purpose in making the commitment to your partner. While the purpose or traditions of marriage have changed year after year, I still think the general practice of committing yourself in a somewhat ritualistic way has a deep connection between people. Regardless of religious affilliation, there is something powerful about two people making the commitment to each other - and having their family and loved ones there to share in a celebration. My wife and I had a very pagan ceremony, as we were coming into our Wiccan lifestyle so it was cool for us to have a marriage that was completely removed from any sort of christian language but it still be something our families could relate to.
That said - I don't think monogamy is a rule. As I'm a believer that love between two people is never the same between the love between two other; I think it's completely possible to be polyamorus. My wife and and I have this with her girlfriend, and while she is bi and their relationship has become intimate - it's purpose has nothing to do with a problem on our side or something that is lacking. For her, the romantic relationship between two women is something on a different level altogether and honestly for me to see her life more complete to have the element and the joy it brings her - makes me happy. Of course it has it's own benefits when I'm included, but I comletely respect their relationship as a legit one and know that it's still an intimate and respected union. I am her life partner, her husband and what we share she could never find with her girlfriend, but I am not at all bothered our insecure with the fact that even people in a marriage can find lovers or passion with friends.
I am in alignment with this sort of openess within a relationship. I believe that there can be a sacred covenantbetween two people, teemed with a mutual, conformable rite to explore polyamoury. As for you, not only are you one fuckin lucky gentlemen, but you and your wife seem to have more of a chance at marital permenance than those who choose their cellmate, and stitch themselves together only to years later rip eachother apart like a book with weakend paper because they expected perpetual bliss according to a guide for life book with outdated bindings.
Originally Posted by Cringeon
Trust is the one key virtue that cannot be obscured by an expectation of faithfulness founded in words. If you can love someone, and love other people, yet still maintain a continual flame of appreciation, and love towards eachother, then there is no more true display of that trust than being able to acknowledge that love cannot be contained, and at the same time remain betroth to one another. Even if it seems unorthodox. When love is imprisoned, or limited, it either decays, or breaks loose violently and people end up killing eachother.
The reason that so many marriages fail, is because people don't understand love, they just know that it feels good. But it is more than a good feeling. It's not only just a chemical in the brain, but it is also something that has never really been examined objectively because to do so would ruin every dream of not dying alone that anyone has ever had.
I wish you and your wife a long and happy marriage. Embrace each moment.
I believe that monogamy can actually exist. There's that love that transcends the physical, that love that engages the mind and soul, when you are immensely calm and your loved one soothes your heart that the pursuit of sex with other women is rendered meaningless. A love that forms a bond where solitude does not exist at any single moment because your loved one accompanies you in thought - and when you're in dire need of her warmth, thinking of her immediately suffices. Each day is a new day which brings forth dreams to fulfill and love to entwine with that dearest woman. One can still appreciate the good looks of other people, but that's merely like one appreciating a good song or poster. You continue walking onward, knowing through all your senses that the one who is holding on to your shoulder is the only other human being worth loving, fighting, crying, and growing for.
Last edited by keyboards; 11-01-2010 at 09:12 AM.
Well put, couldn't have said it better.
Originally Posted by Cringeon
We love tricking ourselves. Thank God for our BRAINS and the many CHEMICAL reactions that they have. Worship their FLASHINGS! Tits.
Fearless Puppy Warrior
I like this thread.
Cringeon, your romantic situation is awesome.
I've been in a monogamous relationship like for realz for um.. 4 years now? And if you count the split-ups and whatnot, 7. In this period of time I've been fortunate enough to represent a potential love interest for several people, but I wasn't able to return the favor. Not that I am not very happy with my current relationship status, it's just that I don't really like being a source of distress. In my perfect little world it would be socially acceptable, even encouraged, to have as many simultaneous romantic liaisons as one would want. That would mean a lot of selflessness and lack of jealousy - which is pretty much impossible at a general level. It would be truly wonderful if there would be this continuous-mental-orgy-type-thing (I'm being serious), but that can't be :).
I'm open to anything, really, as long as no one gets hurt. I do think people have only to benefit from healthy relationships and who has the authority to define what's a healthy relationship for someone else? I am more than happy with my significant other, but I am certain that if I would ever happen to fall in love with someone else (at the same time), I would at least try to have that kind of very complicated relationship status :) (as long as my loved ones agreed).
People need to love, man. As long as everybody understands what they're getting themselves into, the more the merrier!
I am another yourself.
Originally Posted by keyboards
Agreed. This is what I adhere by.
^ I'm glad Drone, thanks.
Originally Posted by rrodmila
It does exist. It's called polyamory, and it's the world I've unexpectedly found myself in.
I got involved with a very lovely boy a few months ago - when we'd met previously, he explained that he lives a polyamorous lifestyle (many loves, many lovers, and absolute openness), thus I knew what I was getting into. I thought we were just going to meet up a few times as mutually-respecting fuck-buddies, however we unexpectedly found a connection, and instead I've found myself spending a lot of time with him and his social circle (most of whom are also polyamorous).
I still consider myself to be monogamous by nature, but I'm finding my mind being broadened by spending so much time with people who view relationships in such a different context to what I'm used to. It's interesting to hear them describe monogamous relationships as so devoid of honestly and openness, which I've never found to be the case (though, I've only had the one previous relationship as reference). I'm still trying to get my head around some aspects of the whole scene, especially because I'm developing stronger feelings for the boy than I expected to, and he has a primary lover who has just come into town for a week to spend some time with him. But he keeps reminding me that it's possible to be in love with more than one person at a time, and I suppose I'm waiting to see how that all works out.
I don't feel jealous when he spends time with other girls, and I think the reason for that is because when he's with me, he focuses all his attention on me. His other lovers are not secrets, I can always count on him to be honest (and safe for that matter), and he is always happy to see me. I realise that in hindsight, my previous relationship felt much worse, because I often felt left out of relationships between my boyfriend and his best friend, or himself and the people he knew at uni - he kept these things from me, and I felt frustrated because I felt like he had a secret life I wasn't privvy to. Instead, my current boy involves me in everything, invites me out to spend time with him, introduces me to his friends, and treats me with absolute respect.
Whilst being surrounded by so many interesting (and sexy) people is very exciting and fulfilling at the moment (as are all the adventures I've been getting into), I know in my heart that this is just a phase in my life that I will eventually move on from. I am monogamous in my nature, and I hope to eventually find someone whom will be my one-and-only, and I will be theirs'. I believe completely in what keyboards says about a monogamous love that transcends the physical, and whilst my dabbling in polyamory has really broadened my horizons about the relationships between people and the nature of love and trust, I just want someone I can come home to, who looks forward to my coming home, and all that old-fashionedness.