The last turn before 30.

[Dv5]

I've done my fair share of philandering. I've been a wild child. I've also aquired a reputation for being menace to society, in both online and immediate real world societies. Before I go any further, this isn't one of those "I am getting old" threads. I just feel more concentric than eccentric these days. I've found myself in a quandry of being way too picky when it comes to courting a woman. I can't. I expect the next woman that I date to be the woman I will marry. I am going to turn thirty years old in April, and I've found myself feeling more pressured to have a child, and provide my mother with her first grandchild. Even if I have a chance encounter with someone that I find attractive I start judging her at face value or holding whoever it is to unreasonably harsh standards. Is there something wrong with this? Perhaps that is why I've been such a lonely, miserable fuck for 3 years now. Then again who is to say that being like this hasn't spared me from a horrible mistake? Oh the pangs and mindfucks of entering middle age.

[ThreeEyedGod]

feel you, bro. I just turned 27, but i already cower before the big 3-0. unlike you, my fears are more shallow and self-serving: lack of success. If i'm not in my bad ass career of choice by...35...I will consider myself a fail at lifer.

[Unpretty Unsafe]

I turn 29 next month and pretty much agree with ThreeEyeGod's outlook. I feel the same way. If I'm not at least moderately successful by 35, I officially throw in the towel. Hell, I feel like a failure already. But then there's that whole "Winners never quit, and quitters never win" garbage. I guess there's truth to it. I guess you gotta (wo)man up and hope for the best.

And also, Shang, I don't see myself having children. Never wanted to and that never changed. So you shouldn't feel pressured to do that and don't let anybody lay their guilt on you. If it's something you want, great. If not, don't sweat it. It's your life. I got a really good girl after swearing to Christ that none existed. But 2 years later, we're still together. So I hope you find a decent broad sometime soon. Big boobs is always good haha :p

[Emma]

As someone a little way over 30 now, I can say that it is not the big scary age I originally thought it would be and I've come to realize even more so that age is but a number. Pressures by others to have a family should not influence you - if you have one you'll do it when it's right and with the right person but we are under no obligation to procreate despite what some think. At 35 I still feel I have so much to achieve and I hope plenty of time to do it in. I mean a lot of the things I have acheived have been in the past 7 years - many people don't realize what they want, what they can do etc until they are later. This idea that life should be mapped out is false. Even the thought of 40 is not such a scary prospect - my husband is 41 and it's just a number. Of course there are people out there who have this artifical idea that things have to be done by a certain age and if not you're a failure but it's baloney to be frank. Once that may have been true but we have so many more options, opportunities and time.

Don't know if that has helped at all, but really 30 is nothing and if people are pressurizing you, remind them it's your life, you'll do it at your pace.

[Dv5]

All very valid points from the three of you. I appreciate the input. lol at the big boobs thing. I do feel pressured to have a child even though I know that I decide when I concieve a child with the right woman, it's just that I don't want to be elderly when my son or daughter is just entering their 20's. I'm actually pretty conservative when it comes to this as I've always took all of the precautions to avoid unwanted pregnancy. I want to have a family to be honest. I like the idea of bringing someone into the world that I can provide the best for, and someone that I can share that joy with. As for the sucess thing, I used to make a lot of money. Used to. That is another reason why I am not dating anyone because I avoid it, even though I get really lonely a lot, because I feel an obligation to be able to be a provider. I feel the obligation to be the best person, the most secure person in life that I can be before I enter into a relationship. As for the 35 year mark that I've read, it is so odd because I think that all of the time. I take care of my grandmother right now, so school had to be put on hold, but I want to switch majors...at 29. Most people have careers by this age. I am 29 and I don't know what I want to do with my life. Well, I do and I don't but that isn't good enough.

I appreciate all of the insight from you guys, and it does feel good to hear from people that I should be easier on myself and that this next decade of my life isn't going to be as depressing as I've always anticipated that it would be. Then again it isn't really the number that scares me, it's the fact that it has been this long and I am truly unsatisfied with what I've accomplished. So, yeah, I know I can still do the things I want. I've just really wanted to settle down with someone for a while now. I'm too tired to keep the dating game going.

[ThreeEyedGod]

Then again it isn't really the number that scares me, it's the fact that it has been this long and I am truly unsatisfied with what I've accomplished.

DING DING DING DING!!

I've studied fine arts and graphic design for almost a decade now, but I am doing accounting and accounts receivables at an office....pff

[Christina]

Yeah, just because Society is a big whore with a shitload of kids before 30 doesn't mean YOU have to be!

[Allycat]

And also, Shang, I don't see myself having children. Never wanted to and that never changed. So you shouldn't feel pressured to do that and don't let anybody lay their guilt on you. If it's something you want, great. If not, don't sweat it. It's your life. I got a really good girl after swearing to Christ that none existed. But 2 years later, we're still together. So I hope you find a decent broad sometime soon. Big boobs is always good haha :p

Indeed. And, trust me, 30 is hardly old, nor even middle aged, lol. Alas, I wished I realized at age 30 how young it was!!!!

As for perhaps not attaining your dream career, well, I feel this way: Even if you work at menial jobs, most all work's valuable and as well, deserves a living wage.

Yeah, just because Society is a big whore with a shitload of kids before 30 doesn't mean YOU have to be!

Whew, too many TEENS are having kids!!!

[MisanthroPope]

I've come to realize even more so that age is but a number.

Yeah, try telling that to my 13 year old girlfriend's parents...or the fucking authorities.


I'll be 30 in April, also. I haven't given it a whole lot of thought. The fact that I've warped into some bizarre manchild has caused me to ignore my newly sprouted gray hairs and my lack of accomplishments. Basically, aging is for pussies.

[petticoat]

There's a difference usually between what society, priests, cops, parents and grandparents want for you and what you want for you. Do what you want to do and kick the rest to the curb as the detritus it is. I'm Manson's age and other than keeping up certain appearances for work (and I'm working on a career change but it's more like careening than a career, but that's another topic), I try to be as genuinely myself as I can. Per finding a mate, I found mine when I was happily and ecstatically single. He just came outta nowhere. I think sometimes the effort people put into finding "the one" could be better used in pursuing creative outlets and debauchery. Some of the better and smarter females have a long history of being able to sense desperation and have mastered the art of fleeing men who reek of it. Know this: no one will 'complete' you, hopefully, because individuals are in a state of constant evolution (or devolution, depending). Be yourself, do what you want to do as much as you can do it. The future will take care of itself.