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Thread: A Story About A Hero

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    Default A Story About A Hero

    In 1966, Al Bundy scored 4 touchdowns in a single game while playing for the Polk High School Panthers in a championship game vs. Andrew Johnson High School, including the game-winning touchdown in the final seconds against his old nemesis, "Spare Tire" Dixon.
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


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    A Story About A Hero: Episode II

    John Rambo was born on July 6, 1947 to R. Rambo and Marie Drago in Kingman, Arizona. It is revealed by Marshall Murdock after reading his file he learned that he was from Bowie, Arizona. John calls it a "small place", saying that he mainly worked horses at his father's ranch during his time in Bowie. His father's ranch is still in operation to this very day. He is of Navajo American Indian, Italian and German descent. His family was poor, often unable to buy food, and his mother died when he was young.

    As a young man, his childhood life was rough and violent. His father was an abusive alcoholic and John spent his childhood learning from the Navajo tribeal elders on the reservation about how to efficiently use the traditional Navajo weapon: the bow and arrow. He also learned how to fight. However, one night when John was older, his father tried to kill him with a knife. Rambo ran away that night, but not before shooting his father with a bow and arrow, nearly killing him. Rambo decided that the best way to get away from his problems was to leave for the Vietnam War, for which he had been drafted.
    Last edited by FuckmanQ; 05-13-2017 at 11:50 PM.
    A system organized around the weakest qualities of individuals will produce these same qualities in its leaders.

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    Bundy and Rambo. Those are certainly two out of many of our historical American bad asses. Now, we're a bunch of autistic screeching pussies. This is why it is important to reflect back on when we were actually hardwired to survive.

    April of 1865. One of the greatest Presidential speeches of all time. While still under alien invasion, from the steps of the Appomattox Courthouse steps. President Thomas J. Whitmore delivered a message to the last remaining forces that would save the world. America most importantly. But still. The world at large. In front of a crowd of drunks, retired veterans, vigilant civilians and those in our armed forces who survived their bases being scorched. He had this to say prior to also sending two brave countrymen (Captain - Steven Hillar and a Jew, David Levinson) into space to give a a mother ship a computer virus before taking to the skies and eventually penetrating the surrogate ships occupying our skies in order to defeat them. The true hero, Russell Casse, eventually saying those final words before taking out one of the ships after this historic rally cry. Those words being "Alright, you alien assholes. In the words of my generation. UP.YOURRRRRS!... HELLO BOYS! I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK!" ... Here is the speech that inspired him to do so.

    "​Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in this history of mankind. Mankind... That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July. And you will once again be fighting for our freedom! Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... But from annihilation! We're fighting for our right to live! To exist! And should we win the day. The 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday. But as the day when the world declared in one voice!: 'We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're goingto survive!'


    Today... We celebrate our Independence Day!"

    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


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    A Story About A Hero: Episode III: Andrew Ryan

    Early Life

    Andrew Ryan, born 1911 in a village near Minsk in the Russian Empire (modern day Belarus), grew up in a Jewish-Belarusian family during the time when the Tsar still held autocratic rule over that country. Minsk was on the front lines in the First World War. In 1917 he witnessed the Russian Revolution, which eventually brought the Bolsheviks into power and also destroyed Ryan's family business.Ryan's experiences under Soviet rule led him to his personal philosophy: the modern world was created by great men who strove to make their own way. Any time "Parasites" gained control of such a world, they destroyed it (as the Soviets did "trading one lie for another", the autocratic rule of the Czar for the repressions of Bolshevism). As a boy in 1919, he fled to America, believing it to be a place where a great man could prosper, just before Belarus and multiple other countries such as Ukraine and Russia formed to create the Soviet Union in 1922. He anglicized his name to Andrew Ryan.

    Life in America

    For a time, Ryan was devoted to his adopted country, grateful for the wealth and fame it awarded his intellect and determination. However, the state-run social programs created in the 1930's increasingly tested that devotion. His experiences in the "worker's paradise" made Ryan despise the ideals of Socialism and Collectivism, as he believed that those who benefited undeservedly from others were "Parasites" (e.g. he considered Roosevelt and his "New Dealers" to be "spoon-feeding" Americans on the "Bolshevik Poison"). In Ryan's philosophy, one could only own what one earned—Ryan himself once owned a large forest as a personal retreat, one that many groups envied (one group told him that it "belonged to God," demanding that he establish a public park there). When the government attempted to nationalize it as parkland, Ryan's response was to burn it to the ground to deny it to the "Parasites".

    The final straw for Ryan was the destruction of Hiroshima with the atomic bomb. In his eyes, the bomb was the ultimate corruption of his ideals—science and determination harnessed for destruction, creating a weapon that gave the "parasites" the ability to destroy anything that they could not seize.

    Creation of Rapture

    “In what country is there a place for people like me?”
    ― Andrew Ryan

    Ryan's response was to use his entire fortune to build Rapture; a community where "the artist would not fear the censor, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, where the great would not be constrained by the small," in the only place he felt the "Parasites" could not touch—the depths of the Atlantic Ocean. Ryan personally chose the location of Rapture from his ship, "The Olympian." He created shield companies on the surface like Warden Yarn (an anagram of his name), and through it conducted business with suppliers, such as Orrin Lutwidge's Scarlet Sovereign Import and Export, to purchase materials necessary to build his city. When Rapture was completed, Ryan filled it with thousands of the world's best and brightest individuals. He was only 35 at the time.

    For a time, Rapture was everything Ryan dreamed it would be: a paradise of freedom and prosperity. From 1946 to 1958, Rapture experienced tremendous economic progress, and solid political stability. As Ryan predicted, citizens in Rapture created a culture of entrepreneurship that was unrivaled, with numerous businesses established and unprecedented scientific advancements, including the discovery of ADAM by Brigid Tenenbaum. The full ramifications of the Plasmid technology were not immediately appreciated by the people of Rapture or Ryan who dismissed the concerns of men like Rosenberg and Bill McDonagh. Ryan's failure to understand the effects of the burgeoning ADAM-based culture allowed the destructive rise of the fishery owner, smuggler, and black market operative Frank Fontaine.

    With Rapture at its apogee, Ryan's greatest supporters maintained control of many sectors of the city, such as Sander Cohen in Fort Frolic and J.S. Steinman in the Medical Pavilion. Ryan had hired a man named Carlson Fiddle to build Ryan Amusements: a theme park that doubled as a propaganda tool for the children of Rapture, with Ryan himself providing narration for many of the rides and animatronic set pieces. Its primary purpose was to warn of the evils of the Surface. The theme park eventually embraced the city's new ADAM-culture, exalting Plasmids like Incinerate! in a Hall of the Future section of the park.
    A system organized around the weakest qualities of individuals will produce these same qualities in its leaders.

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    Jan Egeland. Born 12/8/1957. Former Labour Party politician, political scientist, and humanitarian hero man.

    Tsunami relief. Lebanese aide. Gaza violence. He's been there for it all. At his time at the UN, there was no conflict, nor crisis that this man was not immediately jumping into action to handle. Even whenever it comes to climate change. His concern. His pledges to preserve what we have left. He's also known for his motorcycle skills as well as morning routine of drinking a protein shake while flexing into a mirror. He knows, as he put it, "There are a billion lives in the balance.". When there's problem, we have Jan Egeland. Insane dictator? Jan Egeland.

    Head of OCHA at one point. Chair of Amnesty International in Norway. Alleviating the needs and being a messiah in areas of the world such as Uganda, Darfur and TDROC before they (as expected) went full blown retard again. But forget all about that. Let's focus on this mans character.

    He's humble. Clever. ....And he's constantly looking for peace. He's a peace keeping machine who flexes his muscles all throughout night thinking of solutions. All just to get ready and go out and protect human rights. He plays golf with Koffi Annan. Looks over maps with The Cloon. And when he's sad, sometimes he goes to funerals in unusually heavy rain. Even with large amounts of water on his face, it still doesn't hide his pain. He tends to break down like a homo and has been seeing crying just like a girl. But I guess you can cry and still be a man when your day job is saving the world.

    He's a macho, muscle pumping crying god. #JanEgeland
    Last edited by Shangri-LIE; 05-15-2017 at 05:13 AM.
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


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    A Story About A Hero: Episode IV: Marty McFly

    Marty was born in Hill Valley, California to a family of Irish descent. Little is known about Marty's life prior to the events of him meeting Doc Brown, except for the fact that he set fire to the living-room rug when he was 8 years old (which is revealed via a statement of Marty's to his future parents).

    In 1985, Marty plays guitar with his group The Pinheads and likes listening to Huey Lewis and the News, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and Van Halen. He is also a talented skateboarder and proven to be an excellent pistol shot, a skill he has honed by endlessly playing shooting games such as Wild Gunman at his local 7-Eleven.

    Marty is an accident-prone everyman who can sometimes lack critical thinking skills; he is nevertheless brave in the face of danger and can be very quick-witted and intelligent. He has shown some good and basic street fighting skills and often throws punches in hand-to-hand confrontations. He is loyal to his family and friends, regardless of whether or not he is estranged from them. His major hurdle in life is his pride, which causes him to take unnecessary risks to show others that he is not a coward. However, during a visit in 1885, when his ancestor Seamus McFly mentions that his brother Martin was killed in an argument after someone questioned his bravery, Marty begins to re-think his stance on what other people think of him.

    By 2015, Marty's life has spiraled downward due to lingering effects from a hand injury that leaves him unable to play guitar. This injury occurs in 1985, after Marty accepts school rival Douglas J. Needles' challenge to a road race and crashes into a Rolls-Royce. In 1885, Biff Tannen's great-grandfather Buford goads Marty into a showdown, which Marty wins despite refusing to draw a gun against Buford. Once he returns to 1985, he remembers both this event and Seamus' advice and declines Needles' challenge, avoiding the collision that would have ruined his musical aspirations. Over the years, Marty learns how to make his decisions on his own terms instead of being influenced by others, thereby changing his future for the better.
    A system organized around the weakest qualities of individuals will produce these same qualities in its leaders.

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    Simba

    Born in 1994. His jina kuzawila being inspired by Bambi, stories from the times of Moses and Joseph in the Bible as well as his character sharing similarities with Prince Hamlet. Son of Sarbi and the late (Now sex god in the clouds) Mufasa. He has two offspring with his mate Nala. (An anagram for anal) . Kiara and Kion. He was chosen by Rafiki the hooded baboon monkey to be put on display and knelt down before. Eventually anointing him with coconut oil shortly after his birth. Rafiki the RastaSafarian elder prophet held him high from atop the kingdom's craggy domain ("Pride Rock") before an unorthodox, Eurocentric, neo-Hegilian ecosystem. One where that particular pride along with many of the other animals, all somehow being omnivorous and tellers of great stories of their spirit guardians, accepting their newborn cub messiah who could if he wanted to, practice eating their ass holes, ball sacks as well as ripping their babies from their wombs as practice for later in life where he would have to prove himself as an apex predator. But no. Not Simba. He was gentle. He didn't care about being alpha. He just wanted to be a gleeful cub. Unfortunately, he had an evil Uncle. Scar. Scar who was plotting to kill his fuckin' father. And he did so. Eventually by forcing him to plummet off of a cliff only to be trampled to death by wildebeest in front of the poor kid.

    Simba eventually ran away. Having to travel through an elephant boneyard, eventually escaping it and being adopted by Timon and Pumba. The first documented interspecies gay parents who taught him in song one simple philosophy. "Hakuna Matata". It's a problem free and wonderful phrase. It literally means no worries for the rest of your days. That would set the tone for Simba growing up, being guided by the ghost of his father to find his place in the circle of life again. Mufasa to Simba; "Remember who you are. You are my son and the one true king.".

    He grew out of that paranoia, fear and doubt after meeting Nala. She came onto him. He then proceeded to copulate with and ejaculate into her over 100 times off camera as lions are capable of that. Google it. It was from that rousing experience along with drinking from the whiskey spiked Zuberi River that his mane began to grow thick, coarse and just plain ole scary. Legend has it, though it cannot be confirmed to a 100% certainty, that his mane was no ordinary lion's forelock. Much rather, he had the ability to make it flare multiple colors along with his mouth being able to spit tar venom to paralyze those who dare even utter his name in doubt that HE IS the one true king before eating them alive as their eyes bug out and shift in sheer panic, unable to fight back. Only able to make stupid, funny noises of sheer agony as other animals who suffer from the bystander effect look on. Fucking SAVAGE!

    Here is what separates him from other notorious childhood animal heroes. For example, Winnie the Pooh. He was a lazy ass bear who sat around bumming off of bee hives, eating free honey with his retarded friends and going on dumb adventures without ever being in any REAL WORLD danger. Winnie of course being the lost toy once belonging to that queer loser Christopher Robin. What in the actual fuck, kid? Learn some god damn responsibility. Two others who have tried to be as bad ass as Simba were Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Yay. A fake astronaut and fake cowboy who are constantly being kidnapped with their equally retarded toy friends much like Winnie the Pooh. Andy who never gave a shit about Buzz Lightyear and Woody also being a total loser. Fuck all of them. All except for Simba. What he wanted. What he needed. He got for himself.

    *It's also important to note that Simba is also Barack Huessein Obama as revealed by him in a live birth video during a 2011 White House Correspondent's Dinner.
    Last edited by Shangri-LIE; 06-03-2017 at 11:53 AM.
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


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