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Thread: Do You Have Insecurities? (Self loathing thread)

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xenia View Post
    Of course. Everyone has insecurities. That’s just part of the experience.

    I talk with people every day who loathe themselves, their lives and their experiences. And something I have become convinced about is that there is another Pandemic, one much more covert than Covid-19. It is the sickness of feeling "not enough”.

    I feel that the problem resides in the concept that children are born to gods… and this “world” thrashes the prospective divinity right out of them.
    The first five years of a child’s life are the most formative years of life span development. From birth to age five, we grow, learn, and develop faster than any other time in life. This is where family has the most impact, before we branch out into school and peer relationships. Parents and caregivers at this stage play a large part in the development of “self”. A child, who is told they are smart, will adopt this characteristic into their self-identity. If they are told they are smart, repeatedly, they begin to believe it. In contrast, a child who is persistently told they are not smart will develop the self-image of not being smart. This is the beginning of the labels being bestowed upon them.

    Our brains believe what we tell them. Repeatedly. It’s a convoluted orchestra of informal brain washing. “Train a child up in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” So, our first attempt at figuring out who we are is largely based on how our first authority figures view us and what they teach us about ourselves.

    And most people’s parents try to instill in their children a sense of values, morals, and a fundamental “map” to get through life, based on their own informal brainwashing. In the US, it’s based on Christian philosophy. This dysfunction is handed down generation to generation, akin to a familial genetic illness. Corporal punishment and praise, positive and negative reinforcement, and shame and guilt are tactics used in this phase of the training, to fortify a child in meeting expectations.

    Then comes the school years. It continues from there with teachers and peers. And at this point we already have some concept of strengths and vulnerabilities and the lens through which he view the world and self has already been colored by our continually developing perception of who we are. And what you believe, you will go out into the world and find whether it is true or not. Because you believe it, you will subconsciously look for verification and reinforcement.

    Now take into account, the demands, rules, written and unspoken, which are heaped upon us all socially. Conformity. Conform or be out-casted, exiled and put to death. Follow the rules, stay in line, stay small, keep your head down and don’t do anything stupid. If you do step out of line, it only verifies that you are not enough.

    Now take into account the pressure and expectations placed on children by the media and television. Countless ads and t.v. shows reinforcing unrealistic expectations. Whatever is nearly unachievable is the “ideal”. The glamorous girl on the cover of the magazine is a size 0. She starves herself and makes herself vomit every meal. Or the photos have been chopped and shopped or she has spent a fortune on plastic surgery. But, she is the ideal of beauty that is fed to children. Did you know the average size of females in the US is a size 16?

    And look at this guy in this commercial, he’s wearing this new cologne and the girl is all over him.

    Oh, and here’s the new Tide. The old Tide you are using is not good enough. There is a new and improved Tide, and it will get your clothes cleaner, fresher smelling and even brighten them.

    As my dear ole dad used to say, “It’s just another way to get our money, sis.” All of it, all of our money. Work, shop, spend, repeat and rinse. The hedonistic treadmill to nowhere but empty.

    By the time we hit early adulthood, we are well trained for moving into the workforce in pursuit of a career. Gotta’ make money, can’t live in this world without it. Getting married, having children, shopping, paying taxes and being good law-abiding productive citizens. Ah, the American Dream. George Carlin said, “That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

    But, everyone reaches a point in life when you realize it. When you wake up and understand that it’s all an illusion. All of these labels, expectations, all of the rules and unspoken laws. They’re all just bullshit. They’re nothing but someone else’s idea. Someone else’s idea of who you are and what you should be, “Fit into this box, this is your goal.” FUCK THAT! None of that stuff is real. It’s all merely thoughts. EVERY SINGLE THING IN EXISTENCE BEGAN AS A THOUGHT. That is the power of thought.

    So make your thoughts work for you. Your brain believes what you tell it. Repeatedly. So, stop telling yourself that you aren’t enough of this or that. Tell yourself instead that you are enough. You are. We all are.

    Stop staying small, don’t keep your head down and stop labeling and judging yourselves by someone else’s standards. Believe in yourself, see your beauty, accept yourself and learn to love yourself unconditionally. No-one tells you, but this is the love of your life. If you could choose that, would you? Then choose it.

    This is where the real work begins. And I am not saying that we shouldn’t try to change and improve what we can, especially if it’s beneficial for our well-being. But, I think it’s also important to accept what you can’t change and knowing the difference between the two. With that comes serenity. And that’s not just my opinion.

    I spent much of my early life emotionally crippled with all the insecurities and vulnerabilities I had developed. But, I chose to no longer live that way. It takes a lot of time and effort and it is not painless or easy. But, it is possible to turn these things into strengths and resilience. It’s a work in progress. It’s my life’s work.

    And life is not easy. It certainly isn’t today, it’s so uncertain in these trying times. And even in easier times, happiness or any one emotion is not a persistent state of being. Life is full of experiences that evoke every emotion. Just think, if we didn’t know sadness, how would we ever recognize happiness? “Without the darkness, the stars wouldn’t seem as bright”.

    Everyone struggles, everyone faces insecurities and vulnerability. But, hey…we’re all just here for the operation.
    I was a free roaming child. I had guidance but had to figure things out on my own. I constantly had to challenge the way I thought, even without encouragement. have a family and friends who subscribe to Christianity, Atheism, Paganism, Wicca and even Theravada Buddhism. Even since childhood. Even people who only had street smarts and didn't give a shit about anything.

    The problem is that parents want to live vicariously through their kids. They're basically "fuck trophies" who parents want to both be more best friends with than providers and parents for as well as parents wanting their kids to be facsimiles of themselves. Children aren't told they're wrong, that the world isn't fair, that they have to earn respect or merits, that they have to develop their own critical thinking skills and that they will have to learn to how, once they enter into the adult world, deal with a lot of difficulties that they'll need to use their own toolkit of independent thinking, adaptation, compartmentalization, disciplinary and focused skill sets to get where they want to.

    This isn't to say "leave your children to fend for themselves". However, bubble wrapping them does more damage than it does good over time and, well, they literally acquire very sociopathic identities who can only understand the world and communicate echo chambers. That "bubble wrap" eventually becomes restraints.

    This isn't me going "Kids these days". It's just that culture has gone full blown retard and mottled with colors people actually believe represents diversity, but, in all reality, is a sickly alabaster complexion brushed over with heavy layers of narcissistic clown makeup.
    Last edited by Shangri-LIE; 07-22-2020 at 07:19 AM.
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


  2. #22
    Athene noctua Xenia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shangri-LIE View Post
    I was a free roaming child. I had guidance but had to figure things out on my own. I constantly had to challenge the way I thought, even without encouragement. have a family and friends who subscribe to Christianity, Atheism, Paganism, Wicca and even Theravada Buddhism. Even since childhood. Even people who only had street smarts and didn't give a shit about anything.

    The problem is that parents want to live vicariously through their kids. They're basically "fuck trophies" who parents want to both be more best friends with than providers and parents for as well as parents wanting their kids to be facsimiles of themselves. Children aren't told they're wrong, that the world isn't fair, that they have to earn respect or merits, that they have to develop their own critical thinking skills and that they will have to learn to how, once they enter into the adult world, deal with a lot of difficulties that they'll need to use their own toolkit of independent thinking, adaptation, compartmentalization, disciplinary and focused skill sets to get where they want to.

    This isn't to say "leave your children to fend for themselves". However, bubble wrapping them does more damage than it does good over time and, well, they literally acquire very sociopathic identities who can only understand the world and communicate echo chambers. That "bubble wrap" eventually becomes restraints.

    This isn't me going "Kids these days". It's just that culture has gone full blown retard and mottled with colors people actually believe represents diversity, but, in all reality, is a sickly alabaster complexion brushed over with heavy layers of narcissistic clown makeup.
    I think it would be safe to say that culture has always been "full blown retard" as you say, it's just more so these days. Lol If you haven't watched Idiocracy, it is a MUST SEE. But, we aren't reared in a vacuum and our culture plays a huge role in who we are, our experiences and perceptions. Adaptation, which you mentioned.

    Okay, so my thoughts are based on the "Gen X" experience. But, I think maybe what we see is overcompensation from one generation to the next. I also think parent's tend to want to live vicariously through their children, or maybe just want better for them than they themselves experienced. All good intentions aside...we all know where the road paved with those leads. But, yes that can result in restraining "bubble wrap". And yes, we have witnessed a change in parenting overall from a more authoritarian style in my generation to a more permissive style recently, “the age of participation awards and last place trophies.” You know the next step in that pattern...

    Still, there will always be insecurities, self-loathing and vulnerabilities. But, imagine if children were taught differently? Guided differently...than those diverse defunct tactics we mentioned. Shangs, I'm a dreamer. But, that’s not to say that dreams don’t come true.
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  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xenia View Post
    Of course. Everyone has insecurities. That’s just part of the experience.

    I talk with people every day who loathe themselves, their lives and their experiences. And something I have become convinced about is that there is another Pandemic, one much more covert than Covid-19. It is the sickness of feeling "not enough”.

    I feel that the problem resides in the concept that children are born to gods… and this “world” thrashes the prospective divinity right out of them.
    The first five years of a child’s life are the most formative years of life span development. From birth to age five, we grow, learn, and develop faster than any other time in life. This is where family has the most impact, before we branch out into school and peer relationships. Parents and caregivers at this stage play a large part in the development of “self”. A child, who is told they are smart, will adopt this characteristic into their self-identity. If they are told they are smart, repeatedly, they begin to believe it. In contrast, a child who is persistently told they are not smart will develop the self-image of not being smart. This is the beginning of the labels being bestowed upon them.

    Our brains believe what we tell them. Repeatedly. It’s a convoluted orchestra of informal brain washing. “Train a child up in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” So, our first attempt at figuring out who we are is largely based on how our first authority figures view us and what they teach us about ourselves.

    And most people’s parents try to instill in their children a sense of values, morals, and a fundamental “map” to get through life, based on their own informal brainwashing. In the US, it’s based on Christian philosophy. This dysfunction is handed down generation to generation, akin to a familial genetic illness. Corporal punishment and praise, positive and negative reinforcement, and shame and guilt are tactics used in this phase of the training, to fortify a child in meeting expectations.

    Then comes the school years. It continues from there with teachers and peers. And at this point we already have some concept of strengths and vulnerabilities and the lens through which he view the world and self has already been colored by our continually developing perception of who we are. And what you believe, you will go out into the world and find whether it is true or not. Because you believe it, you will subconsciously look for verification and reinforcement.

    Now take into account, the demands, rules, written and unspoken, which are heaped upon us all socially. Conformity. Conform or be out-casted, exiled and put to death. Follow the rules, stay in line, stay small, keep your head down and don’t do anything stupid. If you do step out of line, it only verifies that you are not enough.

    Now take into account the pressure and expectations placed on children by the media and television. Countless ads and t.v. shows reinforcing unrealistic expectations. Whatever is nearly unachievable is the “ideal”. The glamorous girl on the cover of the magazine is a size 0. She starves herself and makes herself vomit every meal. Or the photos have been chopped and shopped or she has spent a fortune on plastic surgery. But, she is the ideal of beauty that is fed to children. Did you know the average size of females in the US is a size 16?

    And look at this guy in this commercial, he’s wearing this new cologne and the girl is all over him.

    Oh, and here’s the new Tide. The old Tide you are using is not good enough. There is a new and improved Tide, and it will get your clothes cleaner, fresher smelling and even brighten them.

    As my dear ole dad used to say, “It’s just another way to get our money, sis.” All of it, all of our money. Work, shop, spend, repeat and rinse. The hedonistic treadmill to nowhere but empty.

    By the time we hit early adulthood, we are well trained for moving into the workforce in pursuit of a career. Gotta’ make money, can’t live in this world without it. Getting married, having children, shopping, paying taxes and being good law-abiding productive citizens. Ah, the American Dream. George Carlin said, “That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

    But, everyone reaches a point in life when you realize it. When you wake up and understand that it’s all an illusion. All of these labels, expectations, all of the rules and unspoken laws. They’re all just bullshit. They’re nothing but someone else’s idea. Someone else’s idea of who you are and what you should be, “Fit into this box, this is your goal.” FUCK THAT! None of that stuff is real. It’s all merely thoughts. EVERY SINGLE THING IN EXISTENCE BEGAN AS A THOUGHT. That is the power of thought.

    So make your thoughts work for you. Your brain believes what you tell it. Repeatedly. So, stop telling yourself that you aren’t enough of this or that. Tell yourself instead that you are enough. You are. We all are.

    Stop staying small, don’t keep your head down and stop labeling and judging yourselves by someone else’s standards. Believe in yourself, see your beauty, accept yourself and learn to love yourself unconditionally. No-one tells you, but this is the love of your life. If you could choose that, would you? Then choose it.

    This is where the real work begins. And I am not saying that we shouldn’t try to change and improve what we can, especially if it’s beneficial for our well-being. But, I think it’s also important to accept what you can’t change and knowing the difference between the two. With that comes serenity. And that’s not just my opinion.

    I spent much of my early life emotionally crippled with all the insecurities and vulnerabilities I had developed. But, I chose to no longer live that way. It takes a lot of time and effort and it is not painless or easy. But, it is possible to turn these things into strengths and resilience. It’s a work in progress. It’s my life’s work.

    And life is not easy. It certainly isn’t today, it’s so uncertain in these trying times. And even in easier times, happiness or any one emotion is not a persistent state of being. Life is full of experiences that evoke every emotion. Just think, if we didn’t know sadness, how would we ever recognize happiness? “Without the darkness, the stars wouldn’t seem as bright”.

    Everyone struggles, everyone faces insecurities and vulnerability. But, hey…we’re all just here for the operation.
    I've already shared my opinion on this in an earlier post, but I 150% agree. I'm learning to adopt a new mentality of not really giving a shit about most things, and to stop overthinking.

  4. #24
    Athene noctua Xenia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemoris Inferioris View Post
    I've already shared my opinion on this in an earlier post, but I 150% agree. I'm learning to adopt a new mentality of not really giving a shit about most things, and to stop overthinking.
    That's awesome! And I am sure you feel much better for it...good for you!
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemoris Inferioris View Post
    I've already shared my opinion on this in an earlier post, but I 150% agree. I'm learning to adopt a new mentality of not really giving a shit about most things, and to stop overthinking.
    I don't know if you're interested in philosophy, however, I think you may enjoy looking into Stoicism.

    DailyStoic, New? Start here.

    Check it out if you'd like.
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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xenia View Post
    Lol If you haven't watched Idiocracy, it is a MUST SEE
    I haven't. But I've always just watched people. Interaction even though I'm an introvert, with as many different types of people, not maintaining an acquaintanceship nor friendship for very long with many people, has been my way of understanding cultural/cross-cultural synergy and the human condition. Even on social media and MM forums. It's mostly semi-fiction role playing if not entirely.[/QUOTE]

    “the age of participation awards and last place trophies.” You know the next step in that pattern...

    Quote Originally Posted by Xenia View Post
    “the age of participation awards and last place trophies.” You know the next step in that pattern...
    Hitler. Did you know that his personality type was ENTJ? It's something I see people posting that they have that personality type. It should be alarming, but it's not. Also, male feminists are abusive. I don't know why I said that. Oh well. Fuck the matriarchy and fuck the patriarchy, "Can't we all get alonnnng"? Only people our age will remember who said that lol

    #April29th1982






    I've already shared my opinion on this in an earlier post, but I 150% agree. I'm learning to adopt a new mentality of not really giving a shit about most things, and to stop overthinking.


    @knuckleflasher

    I've already shared my opinion on this in an earlier post, but I 150% agree. I'm learning to adopt a new mentality of not really giving a shit about most things, and to stop overthinking
    I think that's just being able to compartmentalize and it's just one tool out of an entire box of ways to exist. Humanism is the best mentality to have. You can learn a lot about yourself and other people by just practicing mindfulness. Start looking into different Shaolin teachings. At the same time, never constrain your way to one mode of thinking or living. We are, after all, still animals. There is no just one type to existing.

    *Edit - At the same time, if you're too hyper critical or to over analytical, it's more detrimental to yourself and others, everything you think you know or what you feel becomes this...



    Whatever happened to "simply existing"?
    Last edited by Shangri-LIE; 07-23-2020 at 04:38 AM.
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shangri-LIE View Post


    @knuckleflasher



    I think that's just being able to compartmentalize and it's just one tool out of an entire box of ways to exist. Humanism is the best mentality to have. You can learn a lot about yourself and other people by just practicing mindfulness. Start looking into different Shaolin teachings. At the same time, never constrain your way to one mode of thinking or living. We are, after all, still animals. There is no just one type to existing.

    *Edit - At the same time, if you're too hyper critical or to over analytical, it's more detrimental to yourself and others, everything you think you know or what you feel becomes this...



    Whatever happened to "simply existing"?
    Firstly, I hope this finds you having a pleasant day/evening.

    Secondly, I simply told someone that I thought they may enjoy it, not that IT was the only tool in the box.

    Whether or not Humanism is the "best" mentality to have is subjective and like Stoicism, a tool amongst many.

    Thank you for your time.

    Postscript: Chinese Buddhists... the Shaolin. Buddhism and Stoicism share much in common. :)
    Do they scary thing first, and get scared later.

  8. #28
    Athene noctua Xenia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shangri-LIE View Post
    I haven't. But I've always just watched people. Interaction even though I'm an introvert, with as many different types of people, not maintaining an acquaintanceship nor friendship for very long with many people, has been my way of understanding cultural/cross-cultural synergy and the human condition. Even on social media and MM forums. It's mostly semi-fiction role playing if not entirely.
    In the trenches, huh? Well, that's one way to gain an understanding.

    "Hitler. Did you know that his personality type was ENTJ? It's something I see people posting that they have that personality type. It should be alarming, but it's not. Also, male feminists are abusive. I don't know why I said that. Oh well. Fuck the matriarchy and fuck the patriarchy, "Can't we all get alonnnng"? Only people our age will remember who said that lol"

    I actually would have guessed that Hitler would fall somewhere in that category. But, you know, I find Jungian philosophy fascinating. And despite me saying that in that earlier post, I am not an ENTJ.
    And I am almost certain that you say most of the things that you do... just to bait people, Shangs. Pretty skilled at it. A Master Baiter, if you will.
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  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xenia View Post
    And I am almost certain that you say most of the things that you do... just to bait people, Shangs. Pretty skilled at it. A Master Baiter, if you will.
    Yes and no. Just being a goofball or "a court jester who is about as deep as a teaspoon of milk" as one long forgotten user from a different platform once described me, well over a decade ago. is more like it. That was and always has been the intended presentation. Me sitting there just thinking "Like, duh. Great observation!. But 'you'? You really believe the shit you post about yourself and other people, thinking you're cool and that even your closest friends care about you as a person. Trust me, you're the one whose father literally must have had lead paint chips for semen and your mother must naturally, somehow,have had Thalidomide contaminated leakage mixed into her cervical mucus". Also thinking "You must be so hurt. So alone. So lost. You're like a wounded animal, but not for me to put down. You'll do that to yourself someday. You're so...uninspired by real life. So here are some jokes for now'". Even when it comes to the "creeps". I've always posted more for the creeper lurkers if anything. Oh well. It was never about "tRoLlInG". Keep in mind those who have always considered me a "troll", for the most part, are the same people who would joke about rape, murder, suicide, being drug and alcohol abusers and participate in unprotected anal sex with random people etc... Talk about real scum. Actual losers. Yeah - "Not my fucking problem nor responsibility. So, take your pleasures and pains and stuff them into your open wounds to be fucked by the sicko's you're either trailing or want to be, that, trust me, you'll find someday.".

    There was a point in time whenever the Dark Web, the Deep and Web Surface Web weren't nearly as separately layered as they are now. As a teenager in the early/mid/late 90's and early 2000's, I used to talk to just about everyone after spending hours of reading through threads and chat room scripts thinking "There's something wrong with most of you people." but at the same time not being roused, overly curious, disturbed, or surprised at all. Even before joining the various MM forums spanning well over 2 decades, I've watched and got a feel for the domains before joining. I'd join, say some of the most stupid shit possible, then talk to random users via private chat or in person, then have an inner chuckle with a smirk whenever they'd either say "Well this is boring" or them saying "You're not crazy. What is going on here?". The weirdest part is whenever they've been disappointed with that. So, nah. It's never been about baiting or being a master at anything other than being bored, more often than not, and saying amusing things. A lot of which have been copy and paste jobs. I know and have known more fucked up people who barely if hardly ever even used computers, so. And I do mean fucked up people.

    Anyway, peoples idea of free will, autonomy, identity, whatever it is that is subjective literally is "all in your head". So, as I was saying... Just exist. Constantly searching for ways to "be better" or whatever only creates more muck to process and learn to crawl through. Constantly having to find new legs and balance. It's exhausting. At some point there won't even be a "you" to ever even know there was a you and that nothingness isn't a void, it literally is nothingness. You have to be aware to feel like you're in a void.
    Last edited by Shangri-LIE; 07-24-2020 at 05:38 AM.
    OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM


  10. #30
    Athene noctua Xenia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shangri-LIE View Post
    Yes and no. Just being a goofball or "a court jester who is about as deep as a teaspoon of milk" as one long forgotten user from a different platform once described me, well over a decade ago. is more like it. That was and always has been the intended presentation. Me sitting there just thinking "Like, duh. Great observation!. But 'you'? You really believe the shit you post about yourself and other people, thinking you're cool and that even your closest friends care about you as a person. Trust me, you're the one whose father literally must have had lead paint chips for semen and your mother must naturally, somehow,have had Thalidomide contaminated leakage mixed into her cervical mucus". Also thinking "You must be so hurt. So alone. So lost. You're like a wounded animal, but not for me to put down. You'll do that to yourself someday. You're so...uninspired by real life. So here are some jokes for now'". Even when it comes to the "creeps". I've always posted more for the creeper lurkers if anything. Oh well. It was never about "tRoLlInG". Keep in mind those who have always considered me a "troll", for the most part, are the same people who would joke about rape, murder, suicide, being drug and alcohol abusers and participate in unprotected anal sex with random people etc... Talk about real scum. Actual losers. Yeah - "Not my fucking problem nor responsibility. So, take your pleasures and pains and stuff them into your open wounds to be fucked by the sicko's you're either trailing or want to be, that, trust me, you'll find someday.".

    There was a point in time whenever the Dark Web, the Deep and Web Surface Web weren't nearly as separately layered as they are now. As a teenager in the early/mid/late 90's and early 2000's, I used to talk to just about everyone after spending hours of reading through threads and chat room scripts thinking "There's something wrong with most of you people." but at the same time not being roused, overly curious, disturbed, or surprised at all. Even before joining the various MM forums spanning well over 2 decades, I've watched and got a feel for the domains before joining. I'd join, say some of the most stupid shit possible, then talk to random users via private chat or in person, then have an inner chuckle with a smirk whenever they'd either say "Well this is boring" or them saying "You're not crazy. What is going on here?". The weirdest part is whenever they've been disappointed with that. So, nah. It's never been about baiting or being a master at anything other than being bored, more often than not, and saying amusing things. A lot of which have been copy and paste jobs. I know and have known more fucked up people who barely if hardly ever even used computers, so. And I do mean fucked up people.

    Anyway, peoples idea of free will, autonomy, identity, whatever it is that is subjective literally is "all in your head". So, as I was saying... Just exist. Constantly searching for ways to "be better" or whatever only creates more muck to process and learn to crawl through. Constantly having to find new legs and balance. It's exhausting. At some point there won't even be a "you" to ever even know there was a you and that nothingness isn't a void, it literally is nothingness. You have to be aware to feel like you're in a void.
    Entertaining read. Lol I always enjoy your posts. But, whether you realize it or not, you've done exactly what you are claiming you haven't and at the same time discouraging others in doing. You've found ways to improve, to cope, to better your situation. Just "being", that Mindfulness you spoke about earlier, and surrendering. Not acting is an action...and one form of coping. That's behavior modification, too...? And those are actually very effective. So, good for you, Shangs!
    The best time for
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