Dissolving Lights

When I fell in love with you you were

A thrill seeking bastard
I was floating in a drunken wave of memories
My mind a blur of bitter broken pieces
A shattered youth; in sublime elegance
Kissed her through my heroic disease

Here is the truth; together we were unstoppable: unreal and impossible
I'm floating in a sea of hours tumbling
My cheap kisses glossed over
Never good enough; never clean enough
All that poetic stuff written off

The tightness of breathing through it
Through threats of both leaving
But she didn't leave him for me
Over you
The door was open and she stayed
For him to.

Loving all that I was while we were
Murdered in our sleep like our histories
For the other ones not for us: achieved
You said you loved her more than me

I believed and breathed
No one went into that black abyss
Alone And unsure; fever dream
Drama queens punk rock stars
Losers and starving artists

I've seen it long before
The screaming noises from the corners
I won't lie; I dreamed of every perfect disaster
I should've died
Not her. I wish she was here

I realize it's getting impossible
To be me at all between the borderlines
all they want of me: is all I can do
See I'll dissolve their confusion and truth
Diseases faded ideas and ideas over rated
the electroshock of their secret lobotomy
Of my immaculate mind

It's difficult, you see

Baby I'm not insane.
No one heard the dirty truth
It might've appeared to defy logic
To them but not you

They could not blame themselves
For no one wanted to