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Thread: Self-harm Scars (Yeah I know this sounds like a 2007 thread)

  1. #1
    Spaceghost TH15x15xMYxOMeGA's Avatar
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    Default Self-harm Scars (Yeah I know this sounds like a 2007 thread)

    Okay guys. I cannot be the only person here who has self-harmed in the past. I haven't done it for years. When I did, it was during the whole "emo" era where that was a more common way to deal with problems for kids who listened to the same music as me and were in the same social crowd. I know now how stupid that was. I'm 23 now, and I feel like this stupid thing I did when I was 13 is just going to follow me forever. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything because I am totally over it, but I just hate when all my scars are exposed when I go swimming or something. So, I avoid those activities. It's not because I care that much about people seeing them, but I just hate when people ask about them because I'm soooooo over it and it's just not who I am anymore. Some friends of mine who don't know about them asked me to go on a vacation with them. It really got me thinking about this because I would be wearing a bathing suit.

    So, for any of you that have scars like this, what do you do when you are in a situation when other people can see them? It can be anything from a good/witty response to people's questions, to ways to cover them up, or ways to get rid of them.

    Thanks guys!

  2. #2
    Athene noctua Xenia's Avatar
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    I never self-harmed in that way, but did engage in self-destructive behavior. My escape was drugs, so essentially my scars are in my brain and those don't "show", per say. However, when the subject arises I am forthcoming about it. It is part of my life experience and is a part of "my story" that is me. In that sense, those scars are a part of your story. I say embrace it, it has an impact on who you are becoming. And the simple fact that you were able to change that behavior and get past it, means those scars are representative of your strength. "Battle wounds"
    If people in your life don't accept that, then they don't accept you...and aren't worthy of your investment in them...or their opinions.


    "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Ephesians 6:12, KJV

  3. #3
    Administrator
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    Despite the myth, there are tattoo artists who will work on scar tissue. This might not be an avenue you want to pursue, but it's certainly one you could consider, and it might make you look at yourself differently if you've got something else to unveil to people.
    "the Serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which
    the LORD god had made
    "

    m e m e n t o m o r i . p o s t m o r t e m


  4. #4
    speed bump mannequin Golden Eel's Avatar
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    Frankly, cutting scars aren't really as attention grabbing as they used to be. People know what it is when they see it but their internal reaction is most likely somewhere between not even thinking about it because you're a stranger or just having sympathy. But it's pretty en vogue within the millennial and younger generations so nobody is going to be looking at you like you have some insane physical deformity.

    Sometimes it's good to draw attention to something like that quickly and just get it out of the way. (Such as situations where you're feeling embarrassed about something that's a big issue to you but not even on anybody else's radar.) If you're the 'hide behind humor' type, you can just change into your bathing suit and then as soon as you see somebody clearly looking at the scars you can jump right in with a "yeah yeah yeah, we all had embarrassing teenage years lulz. #cringe" or make up some fantastical humorous story about how you got all sliced up which is clearly false but gets the point across that it's not something you're going to talk about. (The first example will only work if you pronounce 'lulz' properly AND say the word 'hashtag' - this is very important and all your friends will abandon you and think you're a weirdo if you forget this step.)

    Otherwise, it seems like you're an adult based on context clues so you could always just tell your friends the truth with no alternate angle. "I cut myself when I was younger. It happens." seems pretty cut and dry. And if it's a stranger or somebody you don't know well, you can tell them to fuck off and mind their own business and install a thought filter into their brain because that's a fucking weird, invasive, and cunty to ask somebody.
    Last edited by Golden Eel; 02-02-2018 at 11:58 AM. Reason: I was apparently having a stroke when I wrote this post.


    and with just one faint glance back into the sea
    the mollusk lingers with its wandering eye
      
      

  5. #5
    Spaceghost TH15x15xMYxOMeGA's Avatar
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    Thank you. I have never heard of the tattoo thing, so I am definitely gonna look it up. I don't really want tattoos in general, but if they can at least mask the appearance of them and help me get back some of my confidence, that would be awesome. I get what the first was saying about owning it. I also get the humor approach too. I have used both of those and they are effective, but I just have kept them hidden altogether from family and family friends. Also, new friends. Those are the people I just don't want seeing them. Tattoos could maybe take some attention away from them, while not erasing them altogether.

    All of the advice from all of you is very helpful!

  6. #6
    YoureAlreadyHere's Avatar
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    <3 I agree with statements about how your friends can accept you or fuck off

    Something to maybe consider is sitting down with friend before bathing suit exposure and briefly explaining your history
    -or invest in a bathing suit that covers you rather than exposes you.

    I know there are some products to hit the market to aid in skin healing, but scar tissue technically can not be "healed" so I'd save my $$$
    --------------------------------

    Don't tell me what to do.

  7. #7
    Enname's Avatar
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    Depending on where the scars are, you can always invest in a light robe/various forms of clothing as sun cover etc. Good for avoiding sun damage as well as perhaps helping you feel less self conscious. But really? Tell them (and you know them best to know of humour or serious would be the best approach) and stop yourself worrying. While your friends are friends with the current you, if they can't accept that you have a history and not all of it was perfect, then they need to work on their friend element. The scars mean you are here now, which is awesome, and that should be everyone's focus. Plus, vacation. :)
    Quid ignorantia sit multi ignorant.

  8. #8
    Spaceghost TH15x15xMYxOMeGA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enname View Post
    Depending on where the scars are, you can always invest in a light robe/various forms of clothing as sun cover etc. Good for avoiding sun damage as well as perhaps helping you feel less self conscious. But really? Tell them (and you know them best to know of humour or serious would be the best approach) and stop yourself worrying. While your friends are friends with the current you, if they can't accept that you have a history and not all of it was perfect, then they need to work on their friend element. The scars mean you are here now, which is awesome, and that should be everyone's focus. Plus, vacation. :)
    Thanks! This helps. I probably should stop worrying. It is what it is!

    By the way, do you realize you are almost at 666 posts?

  9. #9
    Enname's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TH15x15xMYxOMeGA View Post
    Thanks! This helps. I probably should stop worrying. It is what it is!

    By the way, do you realize you are almost at 666 posts?
    If only worry was so easy! But in truth, they will make of them what you want them to, and if you are anxious then it sets the tone. And you have no need to be. Covered or not they are scars and therefore not current. Let their importance fade.

    I know! I am trying to work out if I should rush to 666 or savour the process. :)
    Quid ignorantia sit multi ignorant.

  10. #10
    Spirit Animal Procrastinator's Avatar
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    I used to cut myself throughout my teens and maybe once or twice in my early twenties. The way I'd "rationalize" it back in the day was having the mindset that the physical pain was an outlet of whatever emotional torment I was going through, and as the wound on my body heals so would my hurt feelings. Other than that, I have simply enjoyed picking on skin ever since I can remember so I guess cutting and piercing myself was the next step. Maybe I should have gone for a career in dermatologic surgery, idk.

    While I agree with those who said that your friends and family should accept your past, at the same time I know that self-harm and the scars from it can be something deeply personal so I understand that you might not be 100% comfortable exposing your skin. So I'd say the answer to your question is probably just as personal as your past experiences- you already have plenty of suggestions so see what works best for you. :) I'm not bothered by my own scars in any way but they're quite minor (too much of a chicken to cut deep, lol). I've had some head shakes, people telling me I'm stupid but this hasn't really made me anymore self-conscious than I already am.


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